Hope As An Autistic 30-Year Old To Others

I see my life as a contradiction. I am so involved in life as someone in the community of those with unique abilities, but I am involved in plenty of other layers of opportunities in making the world a better place. I go to church often but I'm the biggest progressive person you will ever meet, which depending on who you talk to can be a contradiction. Through life as an autistic however, I am able to bring one thing that is not contradictory: hope. I am able to share bits and pieces of my story with parents and share with them what I embody which is a life of fulfillment that a majority of neurotypical (individuals who don't have unique abilities) people don't necessarily have and I am able to completely change my life into something that I can continue to support the neurodiverse population (or those with unique abilities) in ways that I want to touch both lives. I am able to go to college and live mostly independently. I am able to work out with very little inhibitions. I have so much to be proud of and I'm just in relative terms a pup. So as someone who has autism, I can thoroughly explain life as a beacon of hope to others. And that makes me feel great and inspiring- I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Musings of a Semester Gone By

It has been an up-and-down semester. Not socially, as is most individuals with autism's experience in college and not physically- except for my knee being twisted and an ankle twist and my nose being nearly broken, I have had a perfect one physically- no small feat when everyone around you seemingly is getting sick. Not spiritually- I have been almost as much on fire for the Lord or more when I was doing church activities for major therapy relief. Perhaps it's been up-and-down in other areas. You see, I have struggled with depression for most of the year, but it hit super hard the beginning of this term. I thought I wasn't going to survive this semester or would have to medically withdraw. I thought I was stacked against the odds. And I was. But as nearly any time I've been stacked against it emotionally and academically (that is the other thing- grading has been near glacial in my Media class and I had to drop a class I ended up needing because it ended up being too much to do that class and two others), I have bounced back. I am on an anti-depressant and it helps- but the biggest change is me. I am more comfortable. I am more enjoyable with life. I am happier. I am able to do more well. This has been, in due time, an adequate semester. With work getting better, there is a can't stop, won't stop attitude in me. And that gives me comfort knowing that.

5 Things I'm Thankful For

1. A loving, compassionate family, extended family, church family, school family, leadership family, and exercise family. They are my rocks, and without them I have no idea where I would be.
2. Having the privilege to be in school and on my own. In a lot of countries, this isn't necessarily attainable by people in my condition and in some they don't even bother to educate them.
3. Having a place to live. This is the second biggest one to my family. There are so many people homeless and they don't know where they are going to stay day-to-day and my heart breaks for them.
4. Having clean clothing and water. Having been to Brazil and Jamaica, I realize sometimes it's the simple things that make me well.
5. I have 4 jobs (school, self-advocacy, Albertson's, and self-direction) and do volunteer things often in the community and at church and I love every second of it! And I think that's a gift as well.

Young Athletes Experience

Sometimes I realize that not only are opportunities out there, but they are a reasonable fit. With my background in volunteering with children, youth, and adolescents and with a lot of it in the category of individuals with differing abilities, the Young Athletes thing was an excellent fit for me. I thoroughly enjoyed working with a high-energy lanky lady who is beautiful inside and out and I thoroughly enjoyed working with the Special Olympics and understanding when kids were having issues (there really weren't many problems though.) Overall, there were many things I loved about it- registration went smoothly, the group picture went well, the camaraderie of Special Olympics that makes it special was there, and the help that was needed was done in a stupendous manner. I thoroughly enjoyed working with the kids and while I was exhausted afterwards, I cleaned up a bit. This experience will help me out in my career and the adaptability was done in a respectful manner with making it easier as well as making it to where they could grasp it. This was an interesting, fun, tiring, enjoyable, and exciting experience and I'm beyond glad to have had it and look forward to using this as ways to keep moving forward.

Seeing The Light At The End Of The Tunnel (Or Not)

I want to be clear: I have dealt with depression for a long time on and off (about 17 years old when I was first dealing with it) and I have dealt with it in good and bad times, in spurts, in highs and lows, and in ways that were so off that I couldn't shake it and thought I couldn't be happy ever again. This is where I was at a month ago to a month and a half ago and there were plenty of events that triggered it. Ultimately the way I knew I was stuck was that no matter what I did (even being with friends or exercising, both which I love), I couldn't shake it. My well-being was so off that I had the support of friends to get me to where I am right now. I am at the point of working myself through this. It is definitely not at all easy, especially when you are balancing school and three jobs (self-direction, self-advocacy, and being a clerk at the front end of a grocery store) and have taken on more hours at all of them. Most telling though, I felt like I wanted to disconnect for a week, which never happens. Once that week was over, I got myself back in the saddle and slowly riding again. It felt better to do things in a way that I am slowly understanding why. The successes have become more magnified and have become bigger and my life is slowly back in order. I have had support with my family and friends looking out for me. Am I out of the woods? Not exactly. Should some of you be concerned? Maybe. Should I get out of it? Definitely. Nothing is forever except unconditional love. And I feel stronger every day because of my support system and I feel like I can maybe, just maybe, understand things more and see a clearer lens. And most importantly: I know I'm not alone.

Not Ashamed To Be Me

This is going to be a way to fully understand what I am. I am not ashamed to be me. I don't make any apologies for my actions or excuses for my autism or other areas of individualism. I feel indebted to making the world a better place because of this and feel not ashamed to be extraordinary and changed to why I do the things I do. I don't care what other people think of me and I haven't for a long time. Why? Because of being uninhibited and embracing the standards of who the world has made me be. It is especially worthwhile to have more standards for the world and continue to make the world a better place and love for what I want to do, but it is also extraordinary to think of ways to make me better and continue to. Life is a journey and not a sprint and embracing life and playing the hand that I was dealt is one of the best ways that I can continue to live life fully and celebrate vivaciously. And that can give me comfort.

The Most Important Thing Is To Be Me

In these past few weeks it's been a journey. I have been infinitely more vulnerable than I ever have been, just to think that it will help in the long run. I have fully appreciated life and love for those who are going through the same thing. I have laughed, cried, and had bad days, good days, and terrible days. But there have been more bad than good. It's because I'm struggling with depression and am just getting better that it's that way. This realization that I needed to take antidepressants is a powerful one and a step that I most likely wouldn't of taken a few years ago. It takes a person to fully want to get better and see the light at the end of the tunnel. And furthermore, I describe my good days as being average to where I need to be these past few weeks. Am I getting better? Yes. Have I arrived? I don't fully know yet. Life is a journey and through these ups and downs, easy ways and hard ways, the most important thing is to be fully dependent on who I am to be me.

Ways My Background Has Shaped Me Today

Hardly ever was I well-off financially. My Dad and Mom divorced when I was 9 and there was plenty of financial hardship from it. I have been poor for a long time because of it and there have been times when my Mom helped out financially the most and while that is no longer the case since I'm independent and am on SSI and Food Stamps, she does help out sometime with costs while on a teacher's salary. Having a background as someone who despite working 8 hours or so a week at a paid job, going to school with parents paying, working at home to gain skills to be independent, and volunteering in the community, I am on government funding and will be until I get a Public Relations job. My family gives me some economic privilege and while my Dad helps out with the cell phone and internet and milk, I get help from my Mom for other things too to enable me to be the best person I can be. So I owe my Mom a great deal of gratitude for me this day and every day. I also owe the group home I lived at a great deal of gratitude. My supervisors there were completely incredible in how, through somewhat tough love, got me to be the loving, kind, caring person I am today, and while I have baggage that will keep me in counseling for a while (maybe a long while), the group home got rid of some of that baggage, helped me with independence skills, helped me realize that affection isn't a bad thing but sometimes isn't good, helped me with cooking, helped me with daily tasks, and so many other things now, as someone on the waiver program takes for granted. I also feel like 2 other things, one related to my autism and one unrelated, has helped shape me to be who I am today. The autism one first: I had this person in Community Connections as a mentor who was hard to deal with sometimes because of his temper and because he was tough on me. I later came to the realization that he was tough on me because he wanted to succeed and that is why, when he was disappointed, his temper showed sometimes. He wanted me to not make excuses and to try my hardest and deal with everything as well as I could. He also wanted me to show appreciation for what I got. He was a good guy and a god-send when I moved the first time and he is still a true friend, cheering me on via texting. And since most people reading this know that I'm Christian, the other thing is my bisexuality, which I will explain in a few sentences: I had known that something was different since I was in 6th grade which started off with comments and I, years later dated a few men. Since it's much easier to deny it and be closeted about it, I decided to not acknowledge it until about a couple years ago at a New Years Party. Since then, I've been a lot more open about it being who I am and lost friends and, for the most part, a church home over it. But I have gained respect over it through other people and it is something that, for sure shapes my life. Having a lot of privilege is something that went out the door when I was born and I realize that. God's plan? Maybe, maybe not, no use dwelling on that. How I was created? Absolutely. And God is singing at the successes I've had despite all of this background struggle and triumph with lots of school success and even in the struggles of being bullied and teased and having hurt things said to me every day in high school and sometimes by people in college that I think I respect, it helps me realize that without those experiences, I wouldn't be stronger and I wouldn't be me.

Personal Fullfillment

We all search for the deep meaning of ourselves. I get it through friends, through family, through support, and through coffee. Other people look for other items to get through to their own personal fulfillment in how they use their own lives. I particularly find exercise and advocacy to be fulfilling. Exercise because it gives me personal achievement and relaxation and self-advocacy because it gives me joy and it gives me life-long friends. But none of this is even comparable to my enjoyment that I get from the Lord without trying to sound all religious. My relationship with the Lord, and since this is a public blog it will be passing outside of these few sentences, is one of the more solid relationships with anyone I could have. Closer than family and friend, this is the kind of unconditional love I would want people to remember anything that high for. But even in that, I feel structured to say that if I wasn't encouraged by my family, I wouldn't have it as strong. Fulfillment is something that has to be learned thoroughly, not given freely in ones likeness of choosing. I feel fulfilled by all my activities, but the more I see people getting help, the more I realize that I need help. My life is personally fulfilled by all who realize how far I've come and continue to and to me it seems like people don't know the lengths that I've gone to remedy what is in the past until they've seen it first-hand. I live strongly and admire the people I've grown accustomed to loving and the fulfillment comes from within. Personal fulfillment is just that: very personal.

My Appreciation For Individuality

Sometimes I do things that might seem out-of-the ordinary for most. Sometimes I can be over-excited or loud. But I think (because I've heard this over and over), that one of the biggest reasons why I am well-liked and well-known is because I'm not afraid of what other people think of me and I'm open about what I pursue and when I want something, I pursue after it. I'm also an authentic individual- I'm normally not going to tip-toe around things or tell people what they want to hear if it's not the truth. I think sometimes people can't tell that I have autism unless they know what to look for, however, I think that because autism is so individualistic, everyone who has autism is an individualist. I've come to appreciate the various friends that I know with autism well for the things they have taught me- everything from true love and acceptance of all to having energy to having road-map like conversations to touching peoples lives to social cues being hard but doable in many different things. And people with autism have varying careers of varying degrees of difficulty. Not to discount Temple Grandin, but this is slowly becoming the exception for college-based people with autism rather than the norm. The majority I have met have dreams of helping their fellow people with autism and doing so by majoring in Psychology, Disability Studies, Communications, Art, Anthropology, and so on. These things were less possible ten years ago, now they are common. And I think that life would be so boring if there weren't individualism in the autism community. I am more than sure that someday more people with autism, even more than now, will be able to get a great education and go to college. And when that continues to happen, I will be yet another amazing advocate that can mentor even more of them and create a safe place for their parents and support system. That's one more reason why I'm looked up to and can look up to individualism, whether people have autism or not.

Do The Last Two Summers Compare?

After processing through Seattle and Portland and my internship and heavy responsibility at the Self-Advocacy conference (I did everything from moderator to T.A. to ambassador to speaking) and my smaller trips (Idaho City, Melba for the 4th of July, Caldwell, and a few internship trips, one to Emmett, one to Kuna, and a couple to Meridian), and do church events (Pride Festival, Vacation Bible School) and working two other jobs and doubles galore (self-direction and Albertson's as well) and also making time to hang out with cool new friends (Kristi and Sarah), get to have conversations with my supervisor and be on a committee and in a board meeting, hang out with old roommates (my friends from the group home), long-time friends (Jenna, Tiffany, Tyler, Kelli, Lindsey, Carly, Bobby, Tom, Zack, Ivy, Corey, and the list goes on), and try a few new sports (dragonboating, quadcycling), go to an exciting baseball game and an exciting soccer game, and do some workout doubles of PiYo and Abs, I did a lot this summer. It was a summer of work and play to the core and while I worked two jobs and an internship and was on a committee, I was able to balance the play. Last summer was almost exclusively work. I did little play beyond exercising as I worked two jobs (three if you count moving) for a good deal of the summer and engaged in a delicate subject called Math, which I managed to get an A in, then went to a conference. I did read a lot both summers as well, but with that being my main form of play in 2012 as well as exercise and with 2013 the play being coffee hangouts both alone and with people and meals out as well as exercise and reading and a long and short vacation as well and conferences and cooking projects as play/work both summers, the answer is a resounding "no you can't compare summers". you see last summer was different if for no other reason than I started over with everything right after winning a gold medal in basketball (my last ever in that sport) and dancing two long session in a day. It was mid-summer school term and I switched living situations upside-down- I dropped my agency and went on the waiver service and in the summer probably spent way more time outside of the home studying and conferencing and exercising than in the home. Everything about self-direction was foreign, the one-on-one attention for a brief time, the investment to do fun extracurricular activities, the almost unlimited transport, the amazing amount of care by people who cared about my well-being, the help with schoolwork, and I was driven to succeed after a month but needed time to work through it, because on top of that, I was the boss of the operation, a private agency manager of sorts. This summer, I had a year of that under my belt and as such was able to make amazing decisions and was able to balance the internship with two jobs, fun, and go on long and short vacations, though the long one had to wait to summer's end. The only things similar is that both summers I read an exorbitant amount of books (30 last summer and close to that this summer, not counting my Math text), and that my cooking and decision-making about budgeting got better and better as the summer went along. The summer of 2012 I did a few things with friends, however most of the items were work. This summer was a step in the direction of being even more independent and a direction for myself and truly balancing work and play to the core. This summer I gained a lot and learned so much that it is unbearable to think that if I didn't do all the things I did, appointments and workshop included, that I would've had the best experience possible. Summer of 2012 I was intensely working and I ended up being exhausted and it showed the first week or two of school when I had trouble with organization, however rallied to get a 3.65 in upper-division classes. With that as history for the fall and with this summer being more independent and slightly less exhausting, the people at Dutch Brothers are right, I'm most likely going to do extremely well this term, especially since I have experience with two professors already. As far the comparisons beyond that, there is none. The play that summer is a full-length audible complete with a full-length audible of work, and last summer, the play was limited to a half-length audible or a bit more and the work was overflowing. And besides, you can't compare the summers, they are different and stand on their own.

Double-Edged Words

My last blog only got 14 views, but it had the potential of being a PR nightmare. So do the pictures on my Facebook of Special Olympics of me having purple hair and of me being over-the-top extroverted from there, but I am dealing with the blog loss now to prevent damage control later and I'll deal with the Facebook picture cleansing later. My apologies to those offended and my apologies to those who would've looked at it later. I dealt with it and my hair-raising photos will be taken down later. Without further adieu, 4 words and a set of words that have a double-edge and examples of why that is:
special: I still cringe at this word. I guess it's due to my background living in the group home, in conferences, and being in leadership and gender studies classes. Special can be an ableistic term if used incorrectly, but people who use it this way aren't worth people's time or energy. I should try to embrace the other meaning, because this word can also mean extraordinary or amazing. A correct sentence would be: I'm special because I light up the room with the energy of my smile and the enthusiasm of my voice. I would strongly urge more people to use it this way and to prevent it in the same way that LGBT terms are used by teenagers who don't want to know better, which would be as a substitute for stupid.
weird, crazy, one-of-a-kind, rare breed, unique, awkward, interesting, etc.- there are many synonyms for these words. I tend to think the person who used these words incorrectly the most out of anyone I knew was my roommate on Lucky Lane (or unlucky lane, depending on who you ask). He never was in a good place and is now in prison, so that is not at all any kind of barometer for behavior. Rather, I use these words the same way my friend (or big sister, depending on who you ask) Amber uses these words, as a good thing to express individualism and enthusiastic extroversion and vocal opinions when they are used with people who want to hear them and light up a coffeeshop just by being there due to his or her pure love for people. I tend not to use these words ableistically, because I'm not like that, rather, I use these words to describe how much of a destitute mans eccentric I am and how much I love being around people. And what's the matter in that?
inspiration: sometimes a loaded word for the community of people with differing abilities. but mostly in comparison to famous people (Temple Grandin, Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Cody Marzo, Rube Waddell, etc. for autism, Josh Blue for CP, Vincent Van Goh for depression, Adam Levine and Shane Victorino for ADHD, etc.) as a way of trying to make people lose in comparison and feel bad. That, my friends, is not the point. People like me inspire people by being who they are and that is not inspirational fodder, for lack of a better term. Rather, people who go to college, do leadership, are active, work, are faithful to some kind of community whether social or faith, and can give parents advice are inspirations to those who look up to them and those parents who love them completely and to the friends who like them just the way they are. I get called an inspiration by countless friends on Facebook and countless mentors and people in the field, and it's not because of my autism, ADHD, and depression because even though a lot know, that's not why they call me that. Rather it's because I'm living a full life and am full of joy often enough to offset the bad and I have overcome a lot and am still overcoming and giving it my all. And I totally can own that.
sketchy: kind of self-explanatory for the artists, but this word can mean either to like to draw and do art-type things or it can mean in the way that some of my friends use it to describe me (mostly my ex's ex and his brother, once again, terrible barometers in this context), which is troublesome, dangerous, and wild. I own the art side, because I draw once or twice a week, I scrapbook some, I journal, I take pictures, I do other art projects, and all of this is some kind of art, so, yeah, I am sketchy. But I'm not sketchy in the way that I'm troublesome, dangerous, or wild, I sometimes do extroverted things that could convey that to an outsider, but I'm usually able to control myself.
freak: it can be meant as an insult, like an outsider, which I've unknowingly used it this way before when writing about my experiences as a new Christian (or now as a progressive Christian, I would say making my open declaration of my faith). I've also used it in a similar vein as awkward. I know, I'm not perfect and I will fess up to that. But as Sports Illustrated and my athletic friends and self-advocacy friends can attest, freak can be a good thing. It in a lot of contexts means athletic, unusually gifted in some or many areas, amazing at many kinds of interactions, and overall super fun. For example, I've gotten called freakishly coordinated on many occasions, and given my mid-6' height and my autism/ADHD/depression and my track record for injuries, I would say that's not all the time accurate, but it's accurate enough of the time, and I think of it as a compliment.
So these are some words that can be thought of as ableistic or behavioral if used the wrong way. However, they do not need to be. These words can be used in a great light and in many cases, they are used in wrong contexts. I think as a society, we should be aiming for the right context, if for no other reason than words if used in the wrong way hurt people as a whole and used in the right context can bring a person up tenfold.

What It's Like To Have Autism And Be In College

The thing I'm reminded of recently is how lucky I am to get an education. I have parents that care enough to put me through it and I have support that has loved every single step of the way. That being said, all ten years of college were not as "charmed" as I might have made it seem. I mean, yes, I've had forays into dating, have had quite successful presentations, have won awards, have set some kind of REC record, have had 2 internships, and have been on so many committees and leadership roles that I've had to step back. But that by no means makes it charmed by a traditional measure. And a large reason is the autism. As someone with autism in college, I've had to do things that no person should have to do, like stick up for myself when being called names, have to e-mail professors saying that I actually have autism (and a little bit of ADHD and depression, but autism is a big enough elephant in the room by itself), have to be home for curfew, have to call in saying I'm on my way as a college SENIOR, and face a stigma for myself for something I can't control. I've also had to sit other places of the room to concentrate and have had to face a little bit of discrimination such as violence. It's not the easiest to be a person with autism anyplace and as an out autistic, education is that much tougher. I also have to deal with social education- when I started college, I had to restrain myself from physical touch as a way to avoid the awkward boundary. While that's gotten better, there are still some ways that people have to explain to me that I shouldn't do this or that because it crosses a boundary that should be crossed. While I don't like being explained, when it's explained why, I don't cross that boundary again. I have to admit it, college is great, and while it's been the time of my life- such as all the various accomplishments and activities that I've done that are too varied to name and all the amazing friends I've made, there also is some concessions that have come with that. Things that will happen often but shouldn't happen at a school that has been paid close to 100K for.

Top Ten Accomplishments: College Edition, 24 and older

College is one thing where I have given it my all. In all that I've done, I've been doing things 120% with a few exceptions. I have been going full-force and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Without further adieu, the top 10 college accomplishments (in no particular order, 24 and older):
1. winning the spirit of Boise State and the volunteer of the year: these awards mean a lot to me. I have structured my life in college around volunteering and being the best example and advocate that I can be.
2. the 100,000,000/6,000/1,000/700/200 club: as far as I know, since I've been at the REC, I'm the exclusive member of the 100,000,000 lbs. lifted, 6,000 laps swam, 1,000 points scored in ball, 700 laps ran, and 200 hours in exercise classes club. there will be hard-pressed to be another individual in this club.
3. getting on the dean's list unofficially for 4 terms and missing it unofficially by less than 0.3 of a grade point in three others: this shows academic fortitude and stellar significance in conduct to academia. a true test of character and study habits, especially with all that I do.
4. moving into self-direction: better all the way around and all of my skills are better. that whole self-direct piece says it all.
5. my great achievements in self-advocacy: this has been my biggest piece of love and energy outpouring the last 2 1/2 years. it also has been the most tiring and time-consuming, but I'm glad to have done it.
6. decorating my apartment at the Springs to make it look like a studio: this shows great love and fortitude and honoring of space. it makes it look amazing.
7. overcoming my fear of heights by stockpiling outdoor activities that are awesome: not necessarily a recommendation, but the fears were overcome, I made friends, and I enjoyed these things enough to explore doing most of them again. it was a great ride.
8. going to Jamaica: this was an amazing service project. I will have memories, good and bad, for the rest of my life.
9. getting close to my 5-gallon pin for blood donation: this is a true test of dedication and love for helping out individuals and shows fortitude and excellence in what I do. it is a great accomplishment.
10. loving to run and doing so faithfully: while I limit my race schedule substantially, running is an amazing activity for me. I have practiced plenty of times and I feel like this could almost be a lifetime sport for me.

Top Ten Accomplishments 15-23

Here are some of the bigger accomplishments from ages 15 to ages 23 (in no particular order):
1) getting the choir and director choice awards in church choir at the same time- mostly because only one person has done that ever besides me and he's an inspiration. it is hard to believe, but I do have a good ensemble voice sometimes.
2) entering college- as crazy as it seems now, college was probably last on my goals when starting high school. I worked my behind off and eventually made it to where I got good enough grades the last couple of years to be a possible candidate for admission. entering the social side was my next endeavor.
3) figuring out the BUS in 2 days- once again, this proves that I'm smart. And that I earned going to college.
4) doing Unified Sports and pick-up ball and church-leagues and doing well- this proved that I wasn't just somebody who did well competing with just people with differing abilities. I also played well at lunchtime football for a while and well with church camp sports for a while, but these sports endeavors proved that I could play with pretty much anybody, which I always wanted.
5) working volunteer jobs and starting my first paid job- perhaps the biggest accomplishment at this point. the volunteer jobs helped give me solace that I could work hard and do what I needed to do and the paid job I started at the end of this era and I still have to this day.
6) making friends in college well the first year and beyond- high school adjusted socially for the whole time and I had a close friend circle, but at this point, I don't really hang out with anyone there. college I hang out with a lot of people and there are some that after they leave I will make a point to hang out with.
7) doing orientations- mostly because I don't believe in them, but I've always been a viable source, so I helped out with them anyways.
8) expanding leadership- there were many things I did in some community but not others. when I turned 22 and 23, I continually expanding my leadership possibilities and opportunities, and I enjoyed it immensely.
9) 3.217- this was my high school ending GPA after year 5. despite some academic shortcoming my first year and some shortcoming with time I could spend studying and how much high school equaled hell, I was able to complete high school that well.
10) going to a foreign country for 2 1/2 weeks and thriving- this is an experience I will never forget. I triumphed in the travels with my Mom by my side and we were able to enjoy my 21st in style.

Top 10 Accomplishments Volume 1

Here are my top ten accomplishments from my childhood-early-teenage life, pre-high school (no particular order):
1) winning several student of the month awards: even early on, when I had an ugly temperament, my brightness evidently showed.
2) going to the group home: the main accomplishment until I reached college. the group home helped me get to where I am today and it has helped me maintain life-long friendships.
3) winning 6 gold and 1 silver in swimming: this made me prove that I could do something and it helped me get to the point where I could pursue this life-long.
4) honor roll in middle school: once again, proving that I excelled in school all my school career long. I ended middle school with a 3.333 GPA and I did almost as well in the next couple levels. I am smart.
5) hitting two very important shots as the designated shooter in middle-school ball: while no one remembers this but me, these were my first two field goals ever. and that's maybe why I remember it.
6) speaking for the first time about autism: though I had plenty of help and it was nerve-wracking, because I was willing to do it, I was able to make a career as "Ian Bott: Motivational Speaker" as this has gone on for 16 more years and continues to this day.
7) gaining some friends in middle school through basketball and other things that I still have: they were my first true friends I had and I'm lucky to know that through this day, they've got my back. with or without caffeine addiction.
8) confirmation at church: the first of the necessary steps to understand what a Christian meant (Christian intentionally capitalized). this is what I always strive to be, and though it means more today than it did then, I can count it as a big one.
9) staying out of trouble for most of middle school: it's simple: I got away with a lot. but since I'm kind of a sketchy character, I can count this as a big one.
10) cultivating a love for reading, the arts, and sports: this would continue life-long and when I was in middle school and a little before was the first time I was really exposed to this type of learning.

The Iantern (Or What I've Learned Working In A Non-Profit For The 1st Month)

I was an Iantern once before for Volunteer Services Board (a now defunct organization at school that is now Get Involved) and I worked sometimes hard, but I didn't get as much out of it as I needed to because I was unsure of what to do and how to do it. I chalk that up as a learning experience, but that was 3 or so years ago and I kind of had a lot going on. Now with jobs as my main focus for the summer and a clear idea of what to do, I am able to understand my roles as an Intern or Iantern with a non-profit, the Self-Advocacy Leadership Network. The Self-Advocacy Leadership Network or SALN for short, is a state-wide non-profit that focuses on helping people understand their roles as a self-advocate. Some of my roles have been a project manager, helping out with computer-related items, giving personal calls to people, attending meetings and events on the weekends, meeting individuals of high importance that are behind what we do, and creating better bonds with the board, among other things. Some things are learning experiences, like the ethical decisions on what to do when someone is out-of-sorts over something that was done or when I have been trying to ethically be authentic with the calls at high-stress times. There hopefully will be future interns from U of I, Boise State, and Idaho State, and each of them will bring different things to the table. My communication values and communication piece changes dramatically the landscape of SALN and their help with what needs to get done for everything is a variant that I can make over the summer and it gives me some cred when I look to become an officer in the winter. People are flawed, so there is going to be conflict, but it's trying to foresee what to do with the conflict and handling it well that changes what landscape I have yet to do and what people are still trying to piece out for the future landscape. As someone with autism and a long-time future officer hopefully, I can't imagine someone better for the Internship of SALN. Next week's blog: the top 10 accomplishments volume 1 of 3

Emotions And Autism: How I Feel And Why I Feel It

For a long time I couldn't feel pain emotionally or physically. The famous story of pain is when I broke my finger in three places trying to field a grounder barehanded, look at a gorgeous female, and throw it to her at the same time with the ball underneath and work the next day at a volunteer job sounds like legend, but it's fact. I couldn't feel a thing and wasn't allowed to play the whole season, but if I hadn't gone to Primary Health I wouldn't have known it. And that wasn't too long along, relatively speaking. Part of autism spectrum symptoms is apparent insensitivity to pain and I took that to the tee for my whole life. Even now as I struggle to walk on my ankle, I am hesitant to see a doctor because I want to be seen as a macho man but will probably see one Tuesday or Monday if I have time prior to Power Abs. I hardly ever even take Ibuprofen, not because I don't feel pain that well, but because I have the false impression that I will get addicted to it. Autism sometimes has a hard time of explaining itself with pain. Today as it's over a hundred I was walking on the pavement and grimacing without shoes on and realized it when I was outside of the fence and had to walk on grass. Physical pain is hard for me to grasp even as I've gone through more injuries that have been serious and semi-serious than almost anybody I know my age or close to it except for possibly my sister and one of my best friends. On an emotional side of things, I shut down sometimes when I am afraid of being burned by others. It took me a long time to grasp the idea of being close to a friend because I had a tough time being trusting. I had been hurt by so many people either physically, verbally, and emotionally, and I'm not that far removed from a relationship that was abusive on all of those levels. I guess in some instances I've had religious abuse too. Due to lack of understanding for things outside of my control dealing with or not dealing with autism, I've had to leave a couple of churches. I got to the place of forgiveness with one of them not too long ago, I will be working on the other one for years to come. The other one hurt because of reasons like some of them fostering close friendships with me, being in leadership for a while, and them being close in age. I thought I could trust them more. But due to circumstances outside of my own, I have a hard time reconciling forgiveness and I'm going to be bitter for a while. And that's OK. In other senses of emotion, this is a hard blog to write. Probably one of my hardest. I didn't cry for years and years, and since I cried at youth group as a leader-in-training, I have cried at school numerous times, at church numerous times, at conferences at least once, at sunsets a lot, at movies quite a bit (sometimes through most of the thing, ask anyone who has watched Soul Surfer with me, I'm a mess), and at home more than a few times. I'm almost crying right now as I write about my experiences with this. Emotions do not come easy for individuals with autism and it hasn't been any easier for me, but as I'm much more empathetic with age and not being afraid to be seen as an individual with a soft heart, it's gotten easier for me. Finally, the need of safety is a need I didn't have that affected my emotions for a while. I lived with a brain injured drug addict, a guy that was an elitist, and two felons prior to living with my current roommate, who has some pretty big issues of his own and while I can work around the issues with my current roommate and I could with the elitist, the safety issues of when I was living with the felons or the brain injured drug addict was such that I was afraid that I either was going to get hit or eventually killed on a semi-regular basis. My current roommate has issues of his own for sure, but they are seemingly minuscule most of the time compared to fearing for your own life. No one should be that afraid. I was spending whole days at school because I was afraid of losing my life and so I escaped and that caused a sense of bad conflict management (avoidance is a conflict management tactic), but I felt safer and no one should have to go through that, and someone with autism should have a much safer life than that. Stay tuned for my next topic: the Iantern: or what I've learned on the first month-plus with a non-profit.

29- what a year of self-discovery, triumphs, and a couple of setbacks

Here is my story of several things (6 to be exact) that made 29 great and 2 that made it tough:

1. Winning the Spirit of Boise State Award- will be talked about for years. that was possibly one of my biggest triumphs ever. not entirely surprising, since I know most of the campus already, but it was a way of Boise State saying that I exemplify all of the character traits of a solid leader and an excellent student, and that was meaningful.

2. Self-Direction- all great people to work with, handpicked and a list that was handpicked, and a sense of ownership in the whole thing. this was possibly the best choice of my adult life and I've been thoroughly blessed by each and every one of the people to make it possible. it is so much better than my old situation.

3. A in Math- never thought that you would see Ian Bott and A in Math in the same sentence. Well, thanks to Professor Tillotson, my Mom, and hard work, now you have. What makes this a top-3 accomplishment and not a top-4 or top-5 is that I was moving, playing basketball, reading up a storm, changing programs, roommate-free for half of it, doing some stuff with friends that lasted a while, and had a birthday. And I still got an A!

4. My great roommate Scott- best friends and best roommates. Scott and I fully understand each other, and though we sometimes do silly things and egg each other on and make bad decisions, those have lessened with time and we have become stellar roommates. We are going to be rooming for a while longer, as we have upped the lease, and I couldn't be happier.

5. Orientation declaration: as tough as it's been, it's been a pretty solid decision in being comfortable that I am bi in three ways (bisexual, misdiagnosed as bipolar, and ambidextrous) and that I'm born this way and there isn't anything anyone can do about it. It was tough coming out to some of my friends and I had to fudge it a bit, but once I was comfortable with it, I blocked my conservative friends from seeing my statuses and declared it. It was and still is a piece of me that I'm proud of but I knew that prejudice would come. But there is still plenty of support and it is easier to be comfortable in who you are now than it was 10 years ago.

6. Internship with SALN: OK, so the best thing happened last in my "year". But this process, while long, has truly been a blessing. It got me to eventually be considering the Boise officer post of SALN and then it will get me notice from the State Board when I run post-graduation. It gets me involved politically too and even when I wasn't doing the internship, I did great things (like testifying at the Capitol and being a leader at the conference).

2 tough things:
1. Geology doesn't rock- it was hard for Geology. It was a rocky road and I didn't understand the teacher's methods or his way of relaying information. I thought I would be fine, but I was less than 30 to 35 points from passing. The next step is to take science classes with my Mom. good luck with that.

2. the choice to leave Calvary Chapel- I had been fighting this choice for a long time. I finally firmly decided this in the spring when it became clear to me that I wasn't welcome there and that I couldn't fully reconcile how they showed partially and could still call themselves a church. Eventually, I will reconcile this choice, but for now with how they treated me in Leadership and with their Leaders and Core Members, it will take years to forgive and forget. I just hope that someday I do.

So overall 29 was a good year. A gutsy one and one with setbacks and triumphs. I have seen plenty of excitement, some anger, and some impressive feats. there are many great things that happened and some not-so-good things. but that's life, you take the good with the bad.

More Than A Token: The Two-Time Campus Award Winner

Sometimes the biggest honors do not need to be evaluated by how I live but by how other people perceive at how I live. When I won the Volunteer of the Year award in 2010, it was a huge honor because I was almost in tears due to the fact that volunteering is central to how I conduct my life and my behavior in leading. It was also a huge honor since it parlayed into my internship and the realization that I could go further in how I conducted my own doings in a professional volunteer manner. I may have inspired myself to volunteer plenty, but in the backbone, I was inspiring others as well and I eventually did more in the next few years than I did in that year alone volunteer-wise. The next year, I attended but was a runner-up in event of the year. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think we should have won. There was blood, sweat, tears, and a humongous amount of bureaucratic work that went into the rally and we were on television for it. It was a huge success and a huge deal. I even put it on my resume. But there has since been moving on and not being bitter and it was a huge field and I was that close to being a three-time campus award winner. one is more than a lot of people experience, the overwhelming majority of campus most likely. The Spirit of Boise State award was the biggest award I think I have ever gotten. For others to see how much I'm involved in school on so many levels and to see the extent of people cheering and talking about it since then, there is a feeling that I won't get something of the like until I graduate. To be so honored and moved by a whole campus and to be one of nine in the whole school nominated and one of five to win, it is a true honor. I am proud of that, but even more than that, the being proud extends to the whole school. I couldn't have done it without the support of the whole school having my back. I did shed a tear or two at the announcement and I'm OK with that. I'm so proud of my school and the things I've done and continue to do. Finally, I think that my autism plays a role in that. My autism plays a role in having enough energy to be constantly in motion and still have enough energy to nap once a week and be a late to bed, early to rise person. My autism gets me in friendly mode, which helps explain why so many people know me and care for me and why there were several people standing at the gala. Finally, my autism has helped me be involved, more than people realizing it being a factor. I am proud of each and every one of my cohorts, but without my authentic self, it wouldn't of been made possible nor without any of them. And I couldn't be happier. Stay tuned for the next segment of my blog: 29: 5 reasons why it was a year of self-discovery.

More Than A Token: A True Yogi

My first experience with yoga, in high school, I got hurt. Which is kind of ironic, because when I started becoming serious about yoga, a year or so after my sister and I went to a yoga session together and several months after I did yoga near the SUB where I met one of my future besties at, I have not only used it to strengthen my body (I've had, except for last year because of the ice and because of my injury-laden sports, very few injuries the years that I've done yoga), but also my mind and my soul. I've appreciated it as a social experience, but also as a way to look at form and getting feedback from instructors that have been doing it for longer than I have. I am an unofficial T.A. for a class and enjoy it. I love the being mindful that comes with the journey. Having autism and loving yoga has helped me relax and as someone with autism, I have no sensitivity to pain, and yoga has helped with that tremendously. I love to work on poses with yoga and can do a 20-minute session in the park by myself with what I've learned. But yoga has much more than Vitamin N or a peaceful surrounding or restructuring my body for me. It's also a way of relaxation and of learning myself on the journey. I appreciate the genuineness of the instructors and I've been shown plenty of ways to work on form and have fun and use it as stress relief. It is something that I can use as a vehicle to teach people about autism and besides Jenna, I have met a few other people in yoga classes that have become like family to me, instructors and participants both. After one of my yoga classes in the park last year, one of the instructors talked to me, gave me an unexpected hug, and said, "you're a great yogi. thanks for taking me on this journey." while it's an unexpected journey and one that a few years ago I'd never thought I'd do, it's been an impressive one. And I couldn't be happier for it, either. Stay tuned for the next two chapters: The Final More Than A Token Piece Called The Two-Time Campus Awards Winner and A Piece Called 29: The Self-Discovery Year

Ultimately Good

My first forays in ultimate frisbee was in high school as a gangly 6'5", less than 170 lb. supporting actor. I didn't do too much besides throw and catch and my diving skills were nowhere near where they are now. and then 1 or 2 catch games were rare and I hardly ever held on for Touchdowns. Fast-forward to my days playing Ultimate Frisbee the last five years or so, and you have a different story altogether. Though the defense is up-and-down these days, when I'm on, I'm on and I've made a catch in almost every game where I made more than a cameo appearance. I have more Touchdowns in that time and I also have several dives in this past few years alone. Ultimate has become a very exciting hobby for me, one that I can do on a semi-regular basis and when I lose the time to spend on it, I can come back and do it well again when I get back to it. One of my all-time favorite games was when I played with the club team and had 10 catches, 6 completions, 4 dives, 3 touchdowns, and great D. my autism has made me confused sometimes when I haven't played it for a while, but I feel like this kind of excitement can carry on despite that and my autism makes me excited to continue to use this not only as a physical workout but also a social one (some of my besties including my close friend Cam I've met through Frisbee). a token? sure, for the most part, but certainly more than that. My autism will not let me get in the way of doing activities and excelling at them and Ultimate Frisbee is yet another example of that. Stay tuned for next week's installment of this blog series: yoga- the ultimate healer.

The Pick-Up Artist (No, Not That Kind): More Than A Token

Sometimes, the loneliest existence is in a sport where everyone else is better. But sometimes, you get better all the way around. I've noticed this in pick-up basketball, where I'm the only one with autism and I used to get ridiculed for knowledge of scores, especially my first year, but over the course of seven years off and on, I have become someone else entirely: a jump-shooter that can play wherever he's needed. I can do the grinding work and still have enough energy to shoot a jumper or two a game. I can have people say to me things and help me out and most of all, I can run with the best of them and do well with whatever role I'm assigned. I know my role and it's not to be a flat-out gunner. I used to have that role, but now, I'm looked at as a defender of tough people and a grinder on the floor. I'm looked at as a 6'5" guard/forward, with little to no work in the lane. It takes all parts to make a good team, and while I haven't really done anything too dramatic in pick-up ball, I'm still an eventual unofficial Hall of Fame person for the REC Center. There are very few players that can play their roles well, and in a year to a year and a half, I'll be done with my role. But that's fine. I've given it my all and I will look fondly as an artist building ugly pieces of art with somewhat heavy doses of trash-talking. And I'm OK with that. Stay tuned for next week's topic: ultimately good, another more-than-a-token article.

Worshipping Super-Uninihibited: One Of A Kind, But Definitely More Than A Token

I worship quite unihibited. I have for quite a while and have used whatever and however the Holy Spirit moves me. There are very few that have my worship style, and that makes me happy. However, the reason why I do it isn't to inspire people or to show people love, it's to honor God. As a person who is a believer and as someone who feels like actions speak way louder than words, it's honoring God that is above all else and because of how I structure how I feel in the nature of listening for that still small voice, I feel that God is calling me to minister through worship and movement. While it isn't always the most well-structured piece of love and spirit-filled camaraderie, there is plenty of ways that I can show it by just being who I am and showing that not only can I make plenty of movements, be somewhat distracting, and still honor God, but I can also be progressive, unique in other ways, and still honor the Creator and worship him fully. Because God has ordained what I need to do in my life, I need to honor him fully. The first day of Capernaum, I was told that I'm an amazing worshipper and now I am a leader for them. That has been my gift for several other organizations, most of which I have been a leader at one point. It's all due to God why I am an absolute departure from the Protestant Frozen Chosen called Presbyterianism and why I can fit in at both Christian and Presbyterian organizations and why I can honor the Creator fully and whole-heartedly. Love is the motto that Christians should have, and I don't think what I'm doing with the actions is disrespectful or distracting, but rather showing what honoring God looks like in a creativity of someone who is autistic and has ADHD and can still be fun. God doesn't look for frozenness, the Creator has a sense of humor and likes creativity too. Stay tuned for next weeks blog: the pick-up artist (no, not that kind.)

More Than A Token Part Two Of Six: The Dancing Fool

When I went to my first Saturday morning dancing group exercise class, I was overweight and uncoordinated. I couldn't keep up with the moves and I was not only the only autistic in the class, I was also the only guy. I was a bit intimidated and walked out for a quick second to "make sure I was in the right class" and left. I came back in, and while I was often the only guy for numerous dance classes (and the other guys that show up when there are some are suffering a lot from a disorder called "extreme toolism"), I have been not only the only person with autism in these classes, I also have been the only person with a differing ability in all but two classes (one where my roommate joined and one where I went with a fellow person with autism and there was a person with Down's Syndrome in the class). Regardless of how often I went (which ended up being quite regularly), I could hold my own and even did a Hip-Hop workshop class for 8 weeks and did a Dance Marathon for 14ish hours recently. The Dance Marathon situation was epic because I was able to meet people and strengthen the friendships I had and dance for a long time for a cause (St. Luke's Children's Hospital). And the epic feeling of completing a Hip-Hop workshop class for 8 weeks and putting it all together (with the instructor saying that I'm fun to watch), that made it even more satisfying. I have been able to make some of my closest relationships in my college career through dance classes and life is a dance, man or woman- life is a fleeting moment and all the various parts in it where you feel strengthened and loved, cared for and appreciated, trusted and confirmed, and all these other emotions that you feel with close friends. I'm able to see the dancing in my life work on my balance, my coordination, and my footwork, which strengthened my experiences in various things I do. I'm able to be especially spirited and feel loved through dancing. And I love life as a dance metaphor, because even when you move, you are structuring a dance that only you can make. To do something as good as a Dance Marathon and have energy until noon the next day is one of those trademarks of the "darn four letters" as I like to call ADHD. But the gift of autism is without parallel for what I can accomplish through these feet feats, as I've always loved to dance, I just haven't found non-impulsive ways to dance until recently. And to live life through a vicarious love for dancing and appreciation of others, that's what life is all about, whatever circumstances you are in. Stay tuned for the next installment of this series: the uninhibited worship/singing energizing non-token.

More Than A Token

In my life, there have been many items of experiences where I have been the only person with autism. Either that or there is one other person who experiences short-lived experience in that kind of environment and then  fades out. Too often to some people, it would seem like they're a token, a kind of a person that is there just to equate to the status quo and try to fit in and not find anybody to do so when they're in that kind of arena. However, in church at Southminster, in my events with my Christian friends at Boise State, in the arena of the REC Center, in work at Albertson's, and in my Communication classes at Boise State, I feel accepted fully and I feel like I belong. I feel like there is a peace of me where I can fit in anywhere without really trying too hard and a piece of me that feels strengthened by odd-ball choices for jobs for an individual with autism (retail and car wash have been my only paid jobs), career paths (Communications, Leadership, and Public Relations with the goal of working in a non-profit is ambitious for anybody, someone who has autism it is practically unheard of besides me), activities (mainstreamed sports, dancing, progressive-thinking church items, being with numerous friends, supporting various campus organizations, being in school, crafting). These types of things people think I'm crazy for participating in as often as I do. I don't really care. There are too many stereotypes of autism that are perpetuated that I for years have tried to break down and avoid. Some of the biggest ones are "like Rain Man" and "similar to Temple Grandin". Though I think that in the next few years, comparisons will inevitably come to the rare autistic who is highlighted on TV for his sports, such as J-Mac (Jason McElwain, the manager who hit 6 threes when he suited up, comparisons will probably not come here, partially because I'm in my last year of basketball and partially because I'm a regular player and a Center/Forward), Cody Marzo (the autistic surfer, if he was more well-known, comparisons might come up because he loves the water and because I do and swimming is my fave sport and will be for the rest of my life, but that is where it ends), Rube Waddell (Hall of Fame pitcher who was thought to have autism, I've never pitched in a regulation non-Challenger game and this is my last year of softball anyway). So overall, I have many stereotypes to break down and mold into a person that is a brand-new, exceptionally rare breed. I am in my last 1 1/2 years of college and will be graduating with nearly the same Grade Point as in High School with 10 X as much items on my plate (B average or slightly above in both if all goes well in college the rest of the way, I think that's impressive because it shows drive, good decision-making, good work with hard professors as I will have had most of the toughest Communication professors at Boise State and will have gotten A's or B's in all Communication classes except 3, not to mention my B+, A, or A+ track-record for my Leadership minor and my adequate core record). And in most of the items, besides a select few, I am  often looked at as an ambassador, a pillar, a leader, and a friend to many. I am also looked at as a unique person in that I can structure pieces of how my life can be fully strengthened by my experiences with individuals of any kind, people with differing abilities, people with autism, or people who are in the mainstream section of various items. I may be the only one often-times, but I'm no token, I'm no person who is there just to have one. I'm more than a token: I'm involved, I'm participating, and I'm making all the things I do better. And that's just what the world needs.

Handicapped Vs. Disabled Vs. Differing Abilities, which is better?

One of the newer fights in advocacy for individuals with differing abilities has been the language of handicapped, disabled, and trying to find another term recently. I've fought with multiabled, but it's confusing and sounds like people who are the status quo have only one ability, which is simply not the case, and I've thought about saying individuals with differing abilities and differently abled, which is what I'm starting to have as my language, depending on the situation. Obviously, you want people-first language at most costs- you would want someone to say "an individual with autism", "an individual whose blind", or "an individual whose in a wheelchair" for a few examples. But when it comes to language in this arena it's trickier- people have to use what works for them. I have many friends who have differing abilities, but I think disabled makes them "sub-human" and less likely to reach acceptance in this world where oppression and hate for these people groups is still rampant. So as a Leadership Studies minor and working towards a Public Relations certificate (after 12 credits, it's a done deal for that, I will have 7 credits elsewhere before I'm a Boise State graduate), I want to practice positive PR and say people with differing abilities or people that are differently abled. It's something that I picked up from a Special Olympics Rally that I went to on a day when I was in a newspaper story several years ago, but the point on my retired P.E. teachers shirt that one day still rings true today- "do not confuse disability with inability" and that's what many people tend to do. Even though, for example, I have autism, I am still able and willing to do just about anything that anyone else does or that my medication will allow for. I also see some other individuals who have differing abilities use so much power for good and change the world starting with their town. so I don't use disabled and encourage more people to switch to differing abilities. it sounds more correct and nicer. but never use handicap unless referring to a parking pass, which passes shouldn't hardly ever be used anyway. Handicap is an archaic term from the early 1900s and is an oppressive term that should never be used. it refers to the caps on people who have differing abilities that they used to put on them in other countries (or something to that effect), and it's a destructive term that needs to be eradicated. saying someone is handicapped is like saying someone is sub-human. I have autism and ADHD, but I will never be sub-human and never was. I don't look at myself as different, I look at myself as a human being. And the handicap term makes people like me seem less than ordinary. Thus ends the language section of this blog. I hope that you all learned something. have a great night.

The "R-Word" In Three Forms (Part 2 of the 3-part language series)

in the first part of the language series I talked about the loaded word of inspiration. that is a word of semi-serious implications for the autistic and community of people with differing abilities, however, the r-word, moron, and idiot are much greater and that is what I'm going to talk about here. I for one would like to see these words eradicated from our language entirely.
1) the "r-word" or "retarded" (for purposes of saying what it is, the rest of the column it will be referred to as the "r-word): the "r-word" says that when something is stupid, the person doing this has an IQ level of less than 70. that's what retardation is, a person with an IQ of less than 70 who is doing his best to adequately convey himself and adapt to society. I have lots of friends on this spectrum and they and I as a person with differing abilities would like this word eradicated. It makes people with low IQ levels feel sub-human and they have already suffered enough setbacks over the years. and using it as a substitute for stupid or anything of the sort doesn't work either. people who have differing abilities pick up on it easily.
2) moron: another form of the "r-word", just a lower level, moron refers to someone who has an IQ level of about 50-70. the word moron is used often as a substitute for stupid person and I would prefer to have it eradicated from language when referring to people who do stupid things. People do stupid things all the time. Many of them have college educations or further. IQ is meaningless when it comes to stupidity capacity or anything else. do not use it. avoid at all costs.
3) idiot: idiosyncratic isn't even a good word to use. eccentric is much better substitute for that. idiot is a word in similar vein to the "r-word", it just isn't used as often. people are ignorant, they are bigoted, and they are judgmental when they say idiotic things often. sometimes it is because of their religious biases why they are this way. I don't blame stupidity for having this term be used to describe many of these types of people. I blame not the right education. and Napoleon Dynamite. (for those who have never seen the movie or don't live in Idaho, you won't get that, but there it is.)
so I guess that language and verbalizing it correctly can be hard. educate, educate, educate. and advocate, advocate, advocate. that is the only way that you are going to make a difference in changing peoples perceptions of those who have differing abilities (including being a tool, I'm convinced that counts as one.) well, have a great night everyone. and remember, think before you speak.

Inspiration Is A Loaded Word For Autistics

I want to take a brief moment (OK, a blog moment) to talk about a word that is very loaded for people on the autism spectrum: inspiration. I do think that people who are autistic do inspiring things, but because there are so many people of varying spectrum functions (from non-verbal and dangerous to people who end their education in high school but still have spunk in them and strong advocacy skills to people who are teachers, have children, and drive to scientists and pro athletes to people in between all these types like me), inspiration is loaded. I don't think that it is necessary for people who know my story to say that I'm an inspiration because I've overcome a lot and done some inspiring things, but so has, say Temple Grandin and so has say on a completely different level than Temple people in my area who advocate for themselves and so has the autistic pro surfer. does any of my story or their story need comparison? I think not. While I like being called an inspiration in my faith, I think I'd rather be told that I say that I do inspiring things with my faith, because I don't want my faith to be thought of as more or less than anyone else because I worship aerobically or because I give smart answers or because I do good things. I want others to strive to do the same, because I think that with autism or with faith, it gets to be a personal battle and everyone is different in their own way. People can cheer for me at the end of races knowing my story a little bit all the want, but in life, I want to be known as Ian Bott: a somewhat normal guy with autism who has adequate skills and qualities in many regards. That would be great. Inspiration, especially with comparison of so many people, makes it loaded and for people on the spectrum is a word to be avoided because it's a diagnosis with way too many variables. Up next week: language part two- why now for the push for lessening ableistic language.

Support Me They Will- My Five Leading Men And Five Leading Women In My Life

At some moments in life, there are people who will stick with you through thick and thin. Family is sometimes the most important. Sometimes it's friends and sometimes it's people that are going to stick through in your life for years and years and never let you leave their own lives. Here are 5 male friends and 5 female friends that, no matter what will support me and stick through my own life and make it better (giving 2 sentence explanations why):
Male:
5) Cam- one of the most genuine, kindest people ever and a true friend since the beginning. He just radiates beyond athletic gifts, he has one of the kindest hearts I will ever know.
4) Randy- almost like a second Dad. He is willing to stick his neck out and share advice when I need it, give tough love, and show appreciation for what I will do.
3) Scott- for everything that we've been through, we are roommates and practically besties. That is hard to do, and we are still willing to share life together in a strong, civilized, greatly structured way.
2) Al- one of the more gentle people I will ever meet and a life-long friend. He is so kind and loving and I will always consider him one of the more gentle people in my life ever.
1) Jeff- no matter what, even when we get mad, it's only for a matter of hours. He is such a great friend that he will stick up for me even when it's at the expense of others and I will always consider him my best friend.
Female:
5) Carolyn- one of the kinder, wiser, gentler people you'll ever meet. She is such a strong individual and I'm beyond lucky to have her in my life and get reminded of that every time we see each other.
4) The Jennas- plural for Jenna Hunt and Jenna Duffin. They are my besties that I can consider as such at this point, and I have seen growth in them that is beyond incredible and have seen a few great friendships full of sarcasm blossom.
3) Tiffany- she is in Spain and she will still bat for me no matter what. That's how awesome she is and she is one of the more lucky people that I can ever imagine as one of my best friends.
2) Megan/Kristin- my sisters and they will always support me in their own ways. I think that the unconditional love they show is so strong and they will never stop loving me.
1) My Mom- she's my favorite person in the world. no other explanation is necessary.
There are literally hundreds, if not thousands of others that I feel are friends, and a good portion of those I'm close to. All of these people (with the exception of Cam and The Jennas and Tiffany) I have known for practically my whole life and they will be the backbone of who I am today. And there are plenty of those who I had to leave out. Someday I will make a list in my journal of my top 50 for both genders, but until that day comes, I had to limit it to the top 5.

Hope For Parents Of Autistic Children

The majority of my blogs have been about my own experiences and how I deal with various issues with my autism. This post, despite it's title, is not so much about that, rather an advice blog for parents with autistic children, teenagers, and adults. In it are 5 truths about people with autism, 5 ways that they can handle those truths, and 3 ideas to help with nonverbal intervention or limited verbal intervention at a young age (since by age 9-10, nonverbal or limited verbal individuals with autism don't usually grasp language).
Truths about people with autism (these are on a case by case basis, but I have found these to be true more often than not):
1) limited interests- individuals with autism, especially children with autism generally have one or two topics of interest and very few textural matters in food that they enjoy. if someone with autism exhibits this, the best thing to do is to ride this out as long as they can. A new interest will take its place in due course, and while it may be annoying to, for example, hear about the latest video game all the time, it's something that comes with the territory often.
2) touch (i.e. my mother's feast or famine theory)- individuals with autism either craves hugs and touch in that way because it makes them comfortable, or individuals with autism avoid it like the plague because they have been hurt in various ways. this is an extreme case-to-case basis and does either change over time or it doesn't. In my own life, I have changed from someone who hated to be touched as a teenager to someone who has to develop a "high-five rule" where when in doubt I give a high-five because people may not like hugs. If someone with autism is not someone who likes to be touched, don't. Touching people who hate to be touched is not nice and uncomfortable for them. If someone is on the other end of the exchange with a person with autism and they don't like to be hugged, ask them for a high-five or a wave. It can never hurt to ask, and it makes it safe to have good social boundaries. Easier said than done- I just more or less mastered this a couple of years ago.
3) acceptance- this comes in many forms. acceptance can be via humor, bluntness, or social. it can be through peers of their own and devoid of acceptance through others because individuals with autism can be so socially awkward, or individuals with autism can be accepted by people in their family and not anyone else. or if individuals with autism can be lucky, they can create mass boundaries of good networking. seeing other individuals experiences and living it, it comes and goes and sometimes doesn't get better. acceptance is something that is hard to come by sometimes for individuals with autism because of bluntness, social awkwardness, and hurt being forms of outsiders "showing love" towards them. bullying is a thing to happens as well, so if someone with autism seems cautious or betrayed, talk to them, it's probably because they are.
4) phrases from songs, movies, etc.- people with autism often get stuff stuck in their head. the problem is with this, they are more inclined to repeat it. people with autism in my view do this to start conversation, because they are trying to keep with the current times. if someone iwth autism does this, let them. it's theurapeatic, and often times people with autism don't know what to say to others.
5) poor depictions of inspiration depiction of autism in media hurts people with autism- people with autism who are portrayed in media aren't necessarily people who are the most respected, the most intellectual;, or they most independent. rather, they are people who are defined as inspirations and are often pitied by outsiders because of the ways that they are depicted and thought about by the general public seeing these movies. I have yet to see or hear about a movie where autism was depicted positively/. and I don't know how to change this I guess one way is to suggest to the theater people to start making movies depicting people with autism in a positive light rather than a negative, socially awkward light. but this still has a long ways to go..
a brief list of non-verbal interventions and one senetnce about it (since this blog is near max space)
1) electronic devices- this helps non-verbal individuals with autism because they are able to speak what is on their mind without people speaking for them and it helps them create sentences.
2) sign language- a way to teach non-verbal individuals with autism who are intelligent how to speak without having too much intervention and it can eventually teach them enough language skills to (*maybe) speak on their own terms.
3) have them do it on their own by figuring out reading, etc.- most effective way to teach a non-verbal individual to become verbal- it is old-fashioned, however, it is effective because once they speak there is no turning back.
Hope that this was helpful- stay tuned for the next blog: support me they will- the 10 "rocks" in my life who have supported me the most and will never leave me in the good times or bad.

5_)

Self-advocacy is important. It is important because I'm able to say to myself how much I'm able to do (or not do) and live it out fully. I'm able to stand up for myself when things aren't right, and I'm able to create a safe space when something is bothering me. More importantly, I'm able to share what's on my mind too- and that is often genuine and strong in the right mind of myself, though not always coinciding with society and not what is popular, there are things that I self-advocate for myself and choose to do based on votes and also opposition that is there to try to stretch it. Occasionally I am seen as kind of opinionated, but it's on things that matter. In a broader sense, I am fighting for justice. I am fighting for the community of differing abilities and the LGBTQIA community to have the rights that they have always dreamed of and still fighting and sitting in on workshops and helping the legislature and going to meetings. I am not only advocating for myself, I am advocating for a community that often times doesn't have a voice. And the community at large that doesn't have a voice needs one that is fairly unusual. Anything that can happen originally happens with an individual that has been there before or is closely linked and there is a resiliency factor to it. Being resilient is one of the biggest keys in good advocacy and the main items to where it is structured at an ideal of where it can be continuing to make an imprint as a leader in a crossfire of intersecting identities- it is a different kind of leadership than before. Tiring it is of course, but is it strengthening my life in how I live? Am I making friends from it? Am I fulfilling my calling as a leader? In all of these, the answer is a resounding "yes" and as someone who can advocate for myself, this structure of self-determination helps me keep strength and carrying on with my life forward and change thousands of lives in the area and then go big. Moving stones is an important step- I just have to be willing to strengthen it. Stay tuned for next weeks blog: advice for parents with autism.

Genuine Friendships- A Key To Life

Sometimes I wonder and some other people wonder how autistic people can have as many friends as I do. It's because I'm nice and share things that other people should hear and I am, for the most part, a genuine human doing. I don't always have the best words to say or the most kind, but usually I do and when I don't there is a bit of humor and sarcasm to them and it's usually with good friends when that happens. Good friends are truly hard to come by unless you are social and genuine friends even harder. Friends that will always back you up no matter what and help you out in any way that they can. Friends that will be your friend no matter what the past or present with them is and what they have in store for the future. Friends that are truly gold and truly great role models. Friends that are genuine and have the best interest and help and understand you. Those genuine friends are heroes and they are truly a key to life and friendships that are to be treasured. I'm glad that I have plenty of friends in my life despite my autism, but it hasn't always been that way. I used to be shy as a wilting dandelion and as cautious as a tip-toeing individual on ice. I was afraid of being burned. Burned by the church, burned by friends, and burned by family. This is still happening at times, but I am able to put it as a personal problem for the individual, rather than a system problem. The majority of my friends are genuine enough not to be like this. I am lucky to have enough close friends to have an army of supporters and enough genuine close friends to have my back in any situation and show love for me, in fact, I'm glad that I'm who I am. Autistic or not, I have evolved in a great comeback sort of way and have touched many lives. Many genuine friends have been made and many more will be made over the course of my lifetime. Sure, I have been burned in friendships and relationships, but there is a resillent, baggage-filled, formerly embattled individual underneath all of this burning that only comes out to the individuals who are closest. I can tell a select few people anything, and I would want it that way- but I do have plenty of genuine friends I can tell a lot to. And that makes my heart happy. Stay tuned for a blog to come either next week or after my first test: self-advocating for who I am and why this is important.

Selfulness Perfectionistic Ideals, Autism, For Me It Computes

I am a selfless individual. I'm a perfectionist. And I have autism. For me, it computes. I get frazzled when I don't do well, regardless of what it is, I am fiercely competitive with sports, and I feel like if I don't get a B or an A, regardless of the subject, I start to take things personally and ask if I'm going to pass the class. Also, there is the fact that I have intensely high expectations of not only myself but others, and that sometimes gets in the way of the extensive expressions of my niceness and my productivity. I'm one of the most intense, most immense nice guys you'll meet, but I don't let that get in the way of meeting my goals. I want to continue to strengthen my life towards a perfect resolution, however, as an extroverted former people-pleasure that doesn't want to get pushed around and needs to practice boundaries, there are certain things I can and cannot do to help with people. And there are pieces of realization along with that. For whatever reason, life is complicated, and people are complicated, but I have to realize that I can't please everybody and I have to be myself and be true to myself while showing a sense of selffulness and living in the now and helping out people in ways that are timeless truths. I feel a sense of justice that pangs sometimes deliberately in my heart and continues to roar out like a lion and live, laugh, and love greater than almost any lamb I know. the sense of peace is great, but also the sense of self and the sense of calming in my life when I'm able to do things well. And that's life's greatest peacefulness is being your true self and selfful along with it. Stay tuned for the next week's installment: genuine friendships and why everyone needs them.

Blessings Of Autism

Autism is a gift. There are seven reasons why it's a gift and they all correlate together exceptionally well. I feel compassion for all humankind that have been hurt and that have been oppressed, but not only that, I feel compassion for the disenfranchised and people in general. I feel this way because I have autism and I know what it feels like to be hurt but I also know what it feels like to be loved. I also feel like it's a gift because people cheer harder for me to do well in sports when I'm the only person with differing abilities in the group. Even if I finish dead last or finish somewhere in the middle, every piece of just being out there and being active is a victory. I feel like it's a gift because I can touch people's lives in ways that no one else can. For example, I have the effect of touching all sorts of individual's lives around town and being lovable towards them that has them thinking of autism and differing abilities in an extremely different way. I can show not only compassion but being a model citizen in ways that no one else can and share ideas to bounce off that come hard for others. Another reason is being uninhibited in nature can create interesting conversations and can create an inner peace for trying new things and sharing lives in ways that seem kind of outside of the norm. I feel like one of the reasons why I'm so beloved at Christian activities is because I have an exuberance that is so free-spirited that it doesn't come naturally to most people. And then there is the fact that I can have power to change the world which can become from being a leader and continue to strive to be an excellent person with great boundaries. I can change the world just by being me and by sharing my testimony, whether faith-based or not, as to how autism is using me to empower others. And it helps me with school, oddly enough. Autism helps me hyper-focus to the point where I'm doing almost as well as most of my family members in college and to the point where when I'm studying, as long as I'm in a quiet enough place, I'm in the proverbial zone and can ration out hours of studying on end. That is yet another reason why autism is a gift. And the final reason and the most obvious one, you never know whose life is going to be affected by it, and thus as somebody who has the capability to live a strong, independent, honorable, model citizen life, there is a lot to be said for autism not ruining my outlook and not using it as an excuse, because that is honorable and, for many people, inspirational. Having the best outlook on autism and how it is a blessing, not a curse or something to have as a crutch helps people out. It helps parents out, it helps siblings out, and it helps teachers out. A whole world is waiting to get my abilities untapped. Why not have autism as one of the best ways to do that? Because, after all, autism is a gift. Stay tuned for the next item from the AutBott: what it means to be selfful as an perfectionist individual with autism.