Musings of My Semester

It was a term where I was able to determine not only what I need to be helped throughout my own life, but helping others fully when they need it and when I'm able. This term has been structured continually to do all the challenges more than just exercise-wise but also emotionally and spiritually. It has been a structured that has varied in what I can do, but also what I can realize with my potential. The growth of determination and discipline has been infectious and has been sarcasm and fun-filled as well as some seriousness to it, especially when I have been realizing why I need to communicate fully and structurally with people: I have been remarkably better at telling people "no" this term and I have been better at making sure time management is more or less a skill that needs to be refined, rather than a weakness. Love is powerful and this term, I also have been taught to live vivaciously through love for myself and others and to deviate from the norms. The norms are overrated and the structure of those norms frustrate me and promise that I have to be concerned with how I need to follow myself on the road to my own dreams. My dreams are my own and the following of auspicious changes that have come my way in the past few years, there have been many. Wisdom is something that I can do to teach many people and, while trust is something that I have a tough time doling out, it's getting better now. I may have gotten an A- average this term, but as my poem that I read in InterVarsity tells you about my life, it's how I get there rather than the destination. I live hard, I love hard, I play hard, and I work hard. Can't find a better semester sum up than that. Stay tuned for the next installment: blessings of autism.

Why I Need Friends To Keep Me Who I Am

Some friends are very strong friends, some are average, some are weak, and some are life-long that I would take a bullet for. The reason why I need them isn't to have them speak for me, rather to have them keep me excited about my development and to get time, attention, various kinds of acknowledgment (casual contact- hugs or high-fives/fist-bumps mostly) and though I have many friends that I meet somewhat quickly and get acquainted with fast, it's often because I feel comfortable around people. An extroverted person who has been taught from introverted and animadverted people that also has autism, that is hard to find. I love to have time with friends when times are going rough- there is plenty of friends that I am able to share items with and trust them with exciting things that could be strengthened in the friendship, such as coffee, sarcasm, workouts, food, and things such as events (lectures and equality events in particular). Friends sometimes can become close quickly, or they can take years to become close, and in the case of friends that I've known well for a decade or more, they become like family exceptionally often. Friends commit time and being a good friend means keeping them accountable and letting them know that when they mess up or when you mess up, you can keep them accountable and teach them that if they make mistakes, they can be forgiven. And best friendships are almost like gold- rare to find. I have a handful of best friends that are male and female that aren't like family that I can share almost anything with and I can probably count those on one hand or two hands. Friends are truly representative of you too- I have many, but I am proud to say that the quality of them is pretty good when I hang out with them I get good time together, and I love my friends so much that I will spend time with them frequently and ask the big questions. And maybe give them a hug or a high-five. Stay tuned for next week's topic: things I've learned more from this year.

Life As A Self-Directed Individual

Some of the biggest things in my life have happened this year. Not just relationally, but otherwise as well. I have moved over to become a person who is a boss, an in-charge of own life, and a person who is structuring well. I am keeping a way that I can track hours and love to schedule myself, my employees, and my friends. I have made great strides in how I live and have structured a great sense of structure as a self-directed individual. To the uninitiated, self-direction is like a company. But it's my own company. I do the hiring, I plan the schedules, and I structure meetings. I advocate for myself and I make the support broker happy. I self-direct fully and functionally and I stay on track or at least try to. Self-direction is hard? yes, but I've proved that I can direct myself better than I did in any of the previous settings due to the maturity and knowing that "it's all on me." I wouldn't change the apartment lifestyle for anything or being in self-direction for anything. I'm lucky to have people on my team and I'm lucky for them to help listen to me when I'm on track and help me when I'm not. But in the end, it's all me and I couldn't be prouder. Almost six months of being almost on my own and I'm doing so well and can't complain- despite the extra paperwork, my life is sweet! Stay tuned for the next topic: friends why I need them in order to socialize and strengthen myself.

People (And Things) That I'm Thankful For

Taking a slight break from topics completely revolving around my life with autism to talk about some people and things that I'm thankful for, in a list of 7 types of people and 7 things with couple sentence explanations. Here it goes:
People:
1) Family- they are people that always will love me unconditionally and carefully. And they always have my back no matter what and care for me.
2) Best Female Friends- there are a handful of female friends I'm thankful for because we can share almost anything together and not judge each other for it. And I'm thankful for the moments that we can show complete trust.
3) Best Male Friends- there are a handful of male friends that I can share completely anything with without reproach and know that they'll care. And they can show a great level of care for me as well.
4) Support System- I am not anywhere where I am today without the many people who have shown great support for me all of these years. They are my heroes.
5) Wellness Specialists and Long-Time Barbers and BUS Drivers- They are people that I swear by and how I get around and stay healthy. They are people that no matter what, I can appreciate the job they do (and various ribbing comments too.)
6) Baristas- They make my heart happy and my addiction complete. And they have shared many hours with me too.
7) REC Center Employees- They have shared so many moments, high-fives, hugs, classes, trips, and Facebook posts with me. And they keep me motivated to stay healthy.
Things:
1) Coffee- It's my addiction. That's all you need to know.
2) Shelter- I only know how lucky I am to have a place to live. Especially after going to Brazil and Jamaica, I realize how wonderful I have it.
3) Gluten-Free Food- While I can't have much wheat at all, I devour gluten-free food with regularity. I love to eat and the fact that I've been in poor countries make me appreciate that this much more.
4) A Relationship With God- Without God, I wouldn't be where I am today. And that's the truth!
5) Clean Water- I can be healthy while exercising because I have this. Going to Jamaica and Brazil made me realize this.
6) Being Healthy While Exercising And Rarely Taking A Day Off- I love exercising and staying in relative health makes me grateful. And this gives me comfort that I can do it again and again and again and stay well.
7) A Church That Loves Me Unconditionally- Let's face it: even God's people aren't perfect. And after several bottom outs with churches and Christian groups, I am more thankful for a church like the one I'm at now.
Bonus: my autism/ADHD- what wonderful gifts to have. I can teach so many people and inspire so many people to share life the way they are- perfectly imperfect and well-loved.

Activism And The Tunnel- Reasons Why I Do What I Do

Activism and oppression are two of the more controversial, sometimes hurtful words in the English language or some of the most invigorating, depending on whom you talk to. I have believed in volunteer activism for years, but more recently, I have become decidedly more vocal about activism for the marginalized voices, strengthening my resume as a further than up-and-coming gay rights/ rights for people with differing abilities. I feel like as someone who has felt marginalized for a majority of his life, both for reasons having to do with autism and reasons outside of it mostly due to pieces of confusion in sexual orientation and other loss of privilege, I concur that it is my duty to further franchise the disenfranchised and get the people to where they can feel in better harmony and feel like I can strengthen myself and the community and that is why I feel like I should though to be in the trenches of something completely emotional and completely further providing the strengthened hope for the people. Which brings us to this next topic of this two-for: the Tunnel of Oppression. Since this is a public blog, for those who are unfamiliar, the Tunnel of Oppression is a three-day twice a year event at Boise State that is theater showing how various groups that are oppressed in a form that seems harrowing and graphic. I have been a guide, been on a planning committee, worked the front desk, been in a video, done discussion groups, debriefed, and been a participant for this worthy cause and have done that for six out of the eight years it has been on campus. It gets harder every year to see these things because as someone who is rapidly losing privilege and had been rapidly oppressed in previous school spots and even at some points at Boise State, mostly by professors and basketball players, though there have been a few people in the library, at the SUB, and near the Greenbelt who have shown oppression towards me. Fortunately, since the passing of an act where it is against university policy to use ableistic language towards people who appear to be or are ones with differing abilities, I haven't heard nearly any of the same language that I used to hear, the oppression instances since then (March of 2012) have been 3. 3 too many? Sure, but as someone who has spent his whole life fighting oppression, I'll take it. Maybe that's the piece why the Tunnel is so hard for me- I have never felt free- I am oppressed to this day because of no fault of my own. Before you use or think about using terms such as the r-word, the i-word, the 3-letter f-word, or any other term as a synonym for stupid, think about the people it might affect. And be careful about comparing people to characters from movies due to a certain skill or ability. I still get called Rain Man due to a character played by Dustin Hoffman in the classic movie of the same name, and it is extremely disconcerting and hurtful and partially why I haven't watched it in years. Feeling on the outside I feel more compassion and more understanding for the oppressed because I feel initiated as an outsider sometimes still. Loved by many? Sure. But there are still people out there who say things when they don't fully understand the situation who couldn't care less about my well-being who don't even know who I am. So before I react strongly for those people, I have to think that we never know why. They might just have to use the restroom and something hurtful comes out. We never do know the situation,so we should think of others always. Stay tuned next week for a lighter topic: people I admire and feel thankful for.

Insight Into Why I Do The Hobbies That I Do

This is one of the many ways that I spend my down-time (when I have any). Some other ways include: scrap-booking, drawing, photography, hanging out with friends, going to see movies, drinking coffee (kinda a big deal to me), and sharing my faith through my expression of worship. Due to these hobbies and my athletic hobbies as well, I have come to the conclusion that my hobbies are structured to where I can share how I live and who I am through expression, through individuality, and through structure for my own life and how to deal with my love and my experiences in my own structural value. Arts is not only how I deal with my creative side, but also emotions. Hanging out with friends is not only social, it's also relaxing and makes me feel rejuvenated and well-off in the world of love, life, happiness, and more. Movies I go to with the end result of being entertained or cheering for the good men and women or, in some cases, both. Coffee is a social thing that is a semi-addiction, but also something that I can share ideas with people about and structure non-linear caffeine-induced conversation. Worship is what I live for, and though it's been toned down a tad due to recent rash of injuries, it is structured well and pieced together for how I please God. It might make people upset and confused, but my worship and my athletic career are sometimes pieced together. Athletics? Well, that goes with trying new things and hoping to experience life to the fullest. There are many sports I haven't done in years, or in some cases, decades that I've spent time at once again the past few years. I don't know too many people that can say that they are well-versed at something that they haven't experienced in a while, but the strength of my body as someone who is not only tall but also semi-coordinated makes athletics a probable area for continued growth. So there is some insight- stay tuned for the next installment: what kinds of activism am I involved in and how badly I want to give people a voice.

A Valued Leader In An Autistics World

My leadership has been exceptionally valued. No doubt about that. I volunteer quite a bit and have since around the time my college experience began and I have worked on more projects than my fingers and toes doubled in college and close to that many in volunteer capacities. But, more importantly, it's how I've done it: 1) with integrity 2) with compassion 3) touching lives and 4) having autism and still making a huge difference. Some of the best experiences I could talk for countless hours on: Spring Break Alternative Jamaica, Bear Trap Ranch, Leadershape In Challis, Idaho, working as an Intern for Volunteer Services Board, being on Search Committees, being a Physical Education Helper, being a mentor, and working on rallies rank at the top of my list. However, there are some things that are not thought of as quite as high-profile that I've helped out with quite a lot- some of them include doing various things in activism, in the realms of the work for people who are have differing abilities, and all my various Service Saturday experiences, just to name a few. I've loved every minute of my experiences and I've done a lot, autistic or not. The autism is a large reason why this has happened: I've gotten a huge amount of experiences in spite of it, and for some reasons, because of it. I have worked tirelessly for many hours for many different experiences (sometimes literally, as activism work can be draining and I've lost sleep due to bad outcomes, stress, or overindulging on caffeine or gluten). Some of the biggest experiences in my life are from volunteering and I've been experiencing plenty of changed attitudes in the world of volunteering, many of which can be vindicated in how the town of Boise and some other places outside of it are changing their minds about these tough issues. One of the biggest things I've learned through leadership is that integrity matters and that I can overcome anything with the help of a good support system and a love for all people and a love for God. Does this come from my autism? I like to think that some of it does and I like to think that having compassion for the world comes partially from having been shown very little in some instances in my life. Even if I never do another leadership item for the rest of my college career after this term (and that is obviously not going to be the case cause that's what I'm passionate about :)) I will have done my job as a college leader and a very unconventional college leader at that and will have done my all. Stay tuned for my next topic: insights into why I do the hobbies I do.

What Challenges Lie Ahead

I continually am amazed at how much I've seen and overcome in the past 6 years even. To overcome being on the verge of academic probation to a near B average is remarkable for anyone, let alone an individual with autism. That whole time, I have been working (close to 30 hours including volunteering a week typically, including most of this term), going to Christian activities such as InterVaristy and doing activities with various churches, exercising quite a bit (in many various capacities), working towards independence at various levels, hanging out with various friends, going to class and excelling, doing Service-Learning, and drinking lots of coffee. However, I am not satisfied with the way things are. I want to do more. I long to do more. I never will be satisfied until I'm on my own without government funding, in a career, with reliable transportation, having a college degree (let's be honest, anything less would be unmistakeably a failure), and gained a strong commitment to various leadership agencies. To do this, I need to commit to working hard, never be satisfied with OK, never be complacent, and continue striving towards the goal. Living the dream right now is crazy-busy (self-imposed, I suppose) but doable. It's easy now, but it won't be easy once I get to a point of graduation from these steps of where I'm at. These challenges are sure to be implied as tough- I have to work at these things everyday and I have to watch out for opportunities for activism and charity as well as sometimes skipping fun items to be responsible. I've seen a whole lot in the past 6 years, never mind the last 29, and I continually am amazed at how much I've learned. I will continue to do so, and little things don't bother me as much and I'm slowly working through issues I've had in the past. I've had a lot of failures- as a Christian, as an autistic, as a friend, as a person. I lived through a series of roommates that were interesting and scary, but I didn't see any opportunities for better until the one I have now. I have been through a few interesting friendships and relationships and have dealings with some of them still, but I'm slowly working things out. I will probably never go to some of the church organizations and will probably continue to redefine my leadership styles in the future by weeding out some not so important things to make room for the super-important items and will probably never get to some of my dreams, but that's OK. I always have and always will continue to give it my all. Stay tuned for the next topic: the value of leadership as an autistic individual in an outsiders world.

How I View Differences In Myself And Others

My life has been one gigantic quagmire of compassion, a gigantic structural piece of bringing myself and others back together, making friends out of mere strangers, and making close friends in as short a span of a few days. My own life has been structurally exciting because of the people who have made my life great. Due to my high-level of empathy and structuring the pieces of ingenuity and fully strong comprehension of what people who live to strengthen the lives of others. The point is this: not two people are the same and not everyone makes up the world similarly. It takes all sorts of people to run the world and that's the beauty of it: the necessity of making strong relationships is what makes it a world to thrive on. Because of my autism though, that's the best of it- to see people for who they are and what they bring to the table- a true strength in so many areas. The people who you might've feared a year ago and that you might not of understood a month ago and gotten off on the wrong foot with- that person might end up being your best friend. Honestly, some of my close friends were intimated by me at first- a full hulking 6'5" of muscle and big feet, how can you not? But more importantly, people have changed those notions and I've strengthened my own attitudes as well. Some of the people that I respect the most they've had to earn my respect, but most of them, I trust them until there is a reason not to. People are great just the way they are, and viewing autism as one of my gifts rather than my excuses or explanations or crutches is one of the more important things to continue learning about the community as a whole. Life is fully structuring as we speak to many different ideals. How we perceive our differences make or break us at some points, but I choose my differences and others to coincide and strengthen it more fully and continue to greet people's structuring platforms. AutBott out, stay tuned for a topic soon: trying to consider what challenges lie ahead.

Who I Am And Why I Am Writing This Weekly Blog

I am Ian Bott and I am 29 years old and a Senior in college at Boise State University. I have spent countless hours playing sports, scrapping, working, studying, reading, traveling, writing, and now I'm recreating my sphere of blogs. This time, however, I am now going to talk about just anything, I am talking about autism- I am an individual with autism and have been since I was 6 years old. In later blogs, I will talk about my experiences with school, making friends, living situations, sports, friends, my faith, and some other things that I've gone through- the good and the bad, the ugly and the misguided, and the great and well-structured. All these items will be talked about later and these items will be talked about besides the items of self-advocacy, the constructions of my caffeine, food, and so on, and the gluten-free and other special diets that have helped me feel better. Occasionally I will talk about the good and bad experiences of the seasons and various experiences of the groups. The good, the bad, and the ugly- it all needs to be heard. Bringing life into autism- that's the AutBott way. Stay tuned to next weeks topic: Finding strength through other people's weaknesses.