Object And Value Lessons Of The Year

Here are 5 object and 5 value lessons from this year. These are real important and have continued to shine through in this year's time:
Object:
1. My apartment is safe: the more that I am at the apartment the more I realize that it is safe. Sure there are some interesting people next door and sure there is Rhodes Park and a few other homeless shelters close by as well as homeless camping out near Rite Aid and Albertsons' sometimes but I feel like there are enough people caring and being honest in the surrounding area and everything is close and I feel like the landlord is real good at squashing any type of challenge that comes my way and I have great support helping me. This feels wonderful.
2. Planes are unpredictable: I only flew on one trip this year but the plane was delayed and then took off a half an hour prior to being expected so I missed it. I freaked out for a bit and updated my Mom and my friends I was on the trip with but I know besides going back there next year driving will be more of a thing. It is beautiful that I have TSA Precheck now but I also feel like flying is still hard to do well because of this fact.
3. If something doesn't feel right it's not: There were several ways that this happened this year and every single time I learned quite a bit of myself and who my friends are. It is real wonderful to have people in my corner and being thoroughly thoughtful and making me feel like I am doing the best that I can.
4. Not everyone has the same heart as you: I learned this in several instances and it led me to be taken advantage of a few times as well as conflict with others. It is important to remember in advocacy work this and to be changing your tune in how you deal with others who might have a similar story you finally do end up realizing that.
5. My friends are amazing: In a lot of these instances my friends came through. It feels wonderful to have the best friends that I have ever had and to have an excellent support system that has kept me pretty mellow and pretty sure that I am doing all the tools I need in my toolbox.
Value:
1. I value activism: I value this because I value making the world a better place and continuing to care for others who don't have a voice. In everything that I have done with the developmentally disabled, the LGBT population, the environment, and other things I have made it clear that I am all about making the world better through and through.
2. I value exercise: I felt frustrated that I didn't lose much weight this year because I value being healthy, exercising, eating well, and taking care of myself. It is partially because I am now seeing side effects of my brain food but I value my health and exercise and genuine overall health too.
3. I value nature: And I feel so much better when I am in it. This has proved true numerous times on my trips and I have continued to see vast improvements in my overall mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health being connected to nature.
4. I value having the best life I can: Regardless of what anyone says I am a mix of having fun and serious. I value learning in ways that I can continue to have the best life that I can and continue making sure that I can create a way that I can help others have an equally impressive life.
5. I value my identities: More than anything. Because it makes my own life meaningful.

Top Ten of 2018: Ten Best Times With Friends

I am doing a top ten of three things: times with friends, object and valuable lessons, and ideas for continuing to be better and things I need to continue to do well. I am splitting the object and valuable lessons to 5 each as well as being better and continuing to do well to 5 each because these are equally important things. I feel like time with friends has been a vital part for my mood and for my overall well-being so that is why it is going first!
10. Making a solid few friends at work that I can rely on: numerous people at work now have my back if something happens that is a bit off or if something happens in my life where I need advice or just need someone to hang out with. There are a few people who I have hung out with a couple of times already and am going to a hockey game with one of them next year. Also last year one of them got a pair of shoes and a sweatshirt for me and she said that if I need some help with something she can help me. These colleagues are some of the reasons why I love going to work every day.
9. Ten Barrel: Even though I go to that bar way too much for a novice drinker who is trying to cut down I feel like the friendships I have had have helped me continue to ease the pain of living by myself downtown. I have gotten overtures to hang out with one at lunch soon and I have hung out with a couple of them at the Street Fair and have seen them at rallies. They are great hipster friends and I am so lucky to have that bar in my life even though they think "Jesus Christ he's here again"
8. The Y: I go to the Y to work out and to sit in the hot tub and do yoga. I go to the Y in my banana costume once a month I go to the Y to be with some great instructor friends and to have some laughter in the classes. But I go to the Y also to exercise and renew friendships with others that need to be there. It is the place that is frequently replacing going to class as a social thing and that is so beautiful.
7. The Metropolitan Church: I have a boyfriend and a few close friends from that church and it has helped me ease the pain of being non-existent in Kingdom Collective this year. They have helped me out with activism and with other areas of life and have supported me in everything they do. I have continued to learn the importance of having a voice being out and it has helped me learn lessons to make me a well-rounded human.
6. Partners and DD Council Leadership: Being an advocate and being able to have a voice for those who don't have one is one of the most exhilarating things I can do. As someone who has a voice I have helped with the Policy Coalition frequently as well and have a lot of neat insight and I have done stuff for Person Centered Planning and other things in the Community too. I feel more prepared and self-aware now
5. Special Olympics Leadership: Being an athlete leader, intern, and voice for others and team captain for Boise Community has helped me realize me goal of  being a coach next year and the goal of eventually just volunteering instead of competing. I have enjoyed competing for years now but I have also learned the importance of working with others and helping others reach their goals which is why I am retiring from competing in 2020 besides liking volunteering more and sooner if I am on Staff next year. Special Olympics is a great organization and I have continued to enjoy people's lessons with it.
4. Trips with Alex, Alexis, Jesse, and Camilla: Going on a few trips with my best friends has been a great thing. Seeing Alaska and Sun Valley was wonderful and I genuinely look forward to continuing to listen to their stories even though Alex and Alexis talked about Kathy too much. I have continued to enjoy the night trips for swim nights and I look forward to all of that. Next year a couple of road trips and a trip to Alaska and trying to maybe do a BUS and train trip in Alaska that my barber was telling me about
3. Volunteering For The Democratic Party: Met a lot of friendly faces, made a lot of friends and colleagues, and threw back a few drinks and got love bombed a lot. I honestly don't think that anything else describes it better than pure unashamed love.
2. Coffee Shop Love: It makes me espresso many feelings and makes me feel passionate about making others days full of saccharine and spice and everything nice. All Bott and no bite.
1. My Mom: For obvious reasons she is my mother and best friend and confidant and probably one of the kindest people I know. Plus she texts and has a smartphone now so she is easier to get ahold of.

Part 4 of civilian life: working

I have multiple internships and a job. One of my internships is 40 hours a week the others are up to 35 hours in a given week my job is 4-10 a week and my ministry and the Council has taken up over 200 hours since graduation. I also have done numerous blog posts, exercising, yoga, dance, other various learning things and being with friends. The work has not cramped my style but I thought I would have more time for music, movies, coffee, drinking tea and beer, eating ice cream, traveling a ton and being a light for others while having a ton of free days. I thought wrong. While I have done some things more that I have wanted to do like activism and like trying out most of the coffee shops and listening to some workshops the truth is that I am working real hard to create a valuable life for myself. I am not the same person as I was prior to graduation nor am I the same person I was two years ago while living with a roommate. Being on your own changes things. It makes yourself more self-reliant and more dependent on making yourself the boss of your own schedule and the boss of your own time. The work I have done has all fallen into place and the internships have piled up but I am grateful that I can choose whatever comes first for a job between Special Olympics and Barrier Free Idaho next summer. I continue to surprise myself with my challenging and demanding but doable workload and the self-direction work of hiking and gear making and other learning has been time consuming but rewarding. I feel the best when I work hard and when I have things to do and my love and zest for life and hard work is something that my old man instilled in me as well as my Mom and Stepmom working hard never ceases to exist and I work hard for others to learn how to do so themselves. Like telling my story for those who can't themselves I am a Bottdozer of challenges and imperative deliberation of hope striking down anything that threatens discord in its way. I feel the assumption that I am lazy because I am on Social Security and Special Needs Plan to be ruthlessly demeaning and I continue to use it as fuel to certainly create a better lesson in furthering my hard work and vitriol to make myself learn better, move harder, and become a more seasoned and more enlightened human doing all the while fueling myself to work as hard as I can doing as much as I can. Of all the parts of civilian life this is the one I am most proud of. Hard work has gotten me to the point where I am today and as I continue to work hard and gain appreciation for others my continual impressive streak of learning and being not complacent and willing to get better is my favorite part of this continual spiral of producing hard work and being even more productive in life which is wonderful. Stay tuned for the next three blogs which are the series of top 10s of 2018: top 10 social avenues, top 10 object lessons, and top 10 trips and achievements (5 trips and 5 achievements in 2018)

Part 3 of civilian life: exercising my body and my mouth

There is no shortage of ways that I have exercised in the past year. From frequent hikes year-round from January to now, from rafting, floating, dancing, lots of walking, classes for my not so common core, biking and triking, power workouts, yoga, pilates, Tai Chi fit, and other types of workout classes and types of workouts I have been in tip-top physical shape and have kept my weight around the 210 mark or under all year I also feel so much better having the ability to walk downtown close to where I live as that has helped my anxiety and depression stay in remission most of the year and that has been an incredible feat of tenacity, valor, physical ability, eating relatively well, doing a better job of avoiding gluten and dairy, reading, journaling, and friend time. My exercise routine which includes power workouts and all other kinds of exercise classes and ideas for continuing to work out my body including a couple of intimate partners make this year my healthiest year yet and the essential oils, massage, acupuncture, chiropractor, therapy, manicures, and vitamins are some of the other things for my body that have continued to make this year the healthiest yet. Besides I feel like I am continuing to fill myself with edifying friendships which make me feel like I am doing well socially and that has been an inevitable feeling despite my college ending last year and my art has kept my body well. That is the way of feeling well with my body it is not only about gym time but all other time that has kept me moving and doing well. My mouth is something that I use a lot too. I am opinionated and fully sarcastic and I am someone who is constantly having an idea that needs to be shared. My wisdom is what comes out of it the most unless you are a hipster friend of mine and then you get some kind words and a lot of bullchitting. My mouth is mostly on fire on social media with my Instagram puns, my Facebook silliness and weird comments and my blogging about my life and my overall ideas of what I should say with whatever I need to say. I am someone who doesn't shy from controversy on the council or at work or other areas and am not afraid to talk about my personal life or until this year for a long time lack of it. I am blunt and someone who isn't afraid to say what is on my mind. I even use my mouth for protests regularly and am not afraid to not only say what is on my mind but say it emphatically. I feel like the body is the most zen it has ever been and the most even keel but my mouth is the most controversial it's ever been. When I was a teenager my sister would tell me to watch what I say and I think that I should've taken heed to that. I am someone who while being opinionated and not caring what people think have also used my mouth to chair meetings and be professional, lead policy making sessions and do thing persuasively, continue to advocate and even make news a few times this year, continue to share my story and read in church services and use my mouth to say what I need to say and continue to learn why I do what I need to do and sometimes say kind things to people when they need to hear them and be kind of saccharine and polite to others when they need to have someone take their life to a much kinder, gentler place. I am proud of my mouth being the way that it is and I am genuinely a caring person with a great mind. The evolution of my mouth is at the point where it is serious 35% of the time unless I am with my close friends then it goes down 33%. I feel at peace and at home with people in my life and my mouth is politically charged but knows when to put that part away. In short, my body and my mouth are two of my biggest assets I have and I can't wait to put them in real use next year even more because I feel so much more prepared to make it go exceptionally well for everyone.

Part 2 Of Civilian Life: Activism And Other Social Endeavors

My activism has always been strong but with the wave of things that I am doing for the Democratic Party and with things that I am doing speaking out against the potential of urban war, speaking for the environment, and speaking up for other arenas where people don't have a voice I am continuously dipping my feet further into the activism pool without getting burnt out. I am continually rising in the developmental disability community and have moved my way up to Chair for the next Council meeting and also graduate from Partners In Policymaking and create a sense of community in the conversations with legislators and other self-advocates and parents in the community conversations and speak up for the long fight towards Medicaid. I guess why I get so involved in activism stems from my fascination with others and what they need to do to create a better social world but I also guess that my activism is a passionate vibe that is a wildfire that will try not to go away. In a few other social endeavors besides the Metropolitan Community Church which I will get to on my spiritual blog in a couple of weeks the day I write my blog on athletics with the Special Olympics vs. being an intern, I want to say that with my friend time and my ministry and my work with Special Olympics it has been solid. In addition to this, I have made many new friends either with my support's network or other arenas of social standing. I have continued to create a sense of belonging downtown, in the bars and coffee shops especially, and I have created a monster of a sense of creating a well-rounded arena of what things should be like in the schema of what this kind of creativity should be in the arena of not only activism but also the social capital of art, of community in the world, with bowling and other sports especially at the gym and in fun runs, and continuing to create an obstacle overcoming type of refuge in the creation of the community. I also somehow have created a potential for a relationship in all of this which is something that is new and exciting but also kind of unique in my year overall. I can continue to become more of a beacon and more of a genuine hopeful arena of genuine kindness and being a light where others see dark. I am real appreciative of all that I can realistically do and yet can create more of a spatial idea of being a heart and soul of where I should create a life for others while being genuinely fascinated by everyone in the field of activism, in the social field, and in the genuine personality that I have done and that I have yet to do. 2018 is my best social year yet in many ways and I don't even have classes to create a community. It is kind of ironic but that is where I am at and I am enjoying it and living the seriously fun life in general. Stay tuned for my next blog on my reformed spirituality and then the conclusive blog in this series on pushing myself physically. Then it is a couple of top ten experiences of the year blog (so basically a top 20) hope that everyone continues to enjoy my blogs and I hope that I can make a difference.

Post-Graduation Civilian Life Part 1: Traveling

I am writing a four-part blog on what post-graduation civilian life is like. There have been four major changes in this time: traveling, more varied activism, social differences, and professional differences. These were four pretty major things so the first one as my year of college graduation is coming up is on traveling.
I have traveled pretty much every week to either go hiking or to day trips and a few times this year for longer trips. I have to say that traveling is tiring so even though I haven't been on campus except to do blogs and bug people and sometimes events this year it is about the same amount of work overall. Some of the benefits of traveling include closer friendships, new memories, and lessons on safety. Here they are in a couple sentence form on the benefits:
1) close friendships: before last year I had never met Zech or Desta and only had minimal exposure outside of Special Olympics with Roberto. Now I can call them some of my best friends and I know for a fact that because of or maybe in spite of spending so much time together on the trips, Jason, Alexis, and Alex have stayed my best friends and I feel like the Sun Valley trip brought Camilla and I closer. The further bond of people who travel can't be touched.
2) New memories: I had last been to Yellowstone when I was 3 and some of the places I went to as part of an unofficial outdoor program I hadn't been to since I was a little child. I can't remember anything before I was 12 so frankly I don't remember anything about those places. I also have new memories from Alaska since I had never been there and was excited to be there.
3) Lessons on safety: when you are in the mountains in Yellowstone or in Alaska there are a lot more safety variables: animals, inclement weather, spacing, and being close to guns are some of the things as well as mountain protocol. These lessons on safety have primed me further to be careful in my apartment with some interesting people and keep people aware when something isn't right.
Thanks for trying to understand my thought process. These blogs are a work in progress and I am still trying to touch people by writing these. With Facebook not letting me link my blogs it is hard to get viewership however stay tuned for a blog on this and the HealthyBotty page every other week and my Special Olympics blog ProBottIantern monthly. Thanks also to my fans you are all wonderful!

Yellowstone Musings

Went to Yellowstone this month and I am totally surprised by how much fun I had on my mini-national parks tour. I thoroughly enjoyed myself seeing lots of animals and some cool features and I also enjoyed seeing the geologic features every where and it is a good thing that I had my environmental classes because it helped make me learn what I needed to do well on the trip. There was no one I would have liked to go on the trip more than my Mom and getting to go on the BUS tour in the yellow old-school BUS and doing the ranger talks and at my count over or close to 30 miles of hiking I was so grateful to have gone there. My favorite things were the license plates from all over, the continual language appreciation for everyone and the diversity of both staff and visitors other than elk causing a lot of inconvenience in Mammoth there was not a lot of strange things happening from a visiting perspective. I enjoyed the falls the most out of any geologic feature and I also enjoyed the mud pots and the pools and springs. Some people like the geysers- outside of Old Faithful I didn't because otherwise it was  like seen one seen them all and Norris Geysers were my least favorite hike too crowded and too much of the same thing. Regardless of all the various things that were off including one time after a long day where I needed time alone to not melt down I was able to stay composed and learn a lot and use my words- my Mom is a very solid travel companion and this is not the first long trip we have been on. Sleeping in a different place every night was fine and I didn't have too many horses go into the night- actually I slept great because I was exhausted. Continuing to learn about the features and listening to the ranger talks was great and some of the history like the trinkets and feeding the bears that were able to be done in the distant past as well as Leonard Nimoy sitting in the hot spring for a filming of his Star Trek movie- all these things were impressive and I think that there is a lot of disconnect in how the overall lessons of how the park was and is now continue to amaze me and I continue to learn why things are the way they are after a lot of reinvention and lessons. Regardless of what I can continue to discern and ascertain from this time I continue to see impressive lessons in the overall schemata of Yellowstone and I look forward to going again. There were 4 bison herds and 3 elk herds I saw in addition to a coyote, 2 bald eagles, 2 trumpeter swans, an osprey, an otter, 2 hawks, and a host of seagulls other birds and bugs and 3 other elk and about 8 other bison. Apparently I wasn't the only animal there and that was kind of a good thing I get tired of when that happens. I hope to go back in several years but then my Mom will be in her mid-70s so maybe I will go with my sisters so that they can have implicit memories or some friends. Either way I look forward to getting back to Yellowstone and I look forward to continuing to travel more this next little bit because traveling is loads of fun. Tiring yes but also loads of fun.

People Who Have Made A Big Impact: Part 6 of 6: My Mother

Some men who are successful have their mother as a huge influence some have their dads some have both. While my Dad and I have an icy relationship that even at its best is complicated, my Mom and I have been working together since day one in making sure that I create the best life that I can while having integrity and never compromising. The best moments I had recently was the car time talking about current events in our lives and talking about challenges and triumphs and ideas for improvement in our lives and in how we conduct ourselves. She told the truth the whole time and we were so composed on the trip to Yellowstone and when I pay my phone camera developing and see a movie the week of the 9th I will have used all of my graduation celebration items which was encouraged to be extended by my mother. My Mom has spent thousands of hours supporting me in everything from plays to sports to advocacy to seeing movies together to playing cards to taking walks to transportation to trike rides to vacations and anything else you can think of. She takes special trips to drop me off food when I am low on money and takes special trips to sign sheets to be corrected and continue to create a loving atmosphere where she is so giving that she volunteers for several church things throughout the past few years while being on staff as an organist and creating an arena of positive change for not only her children and the church community but also the arts community and everyone else who is someone that she supports greatly. While my Mom is a bit apprehensive towards things that she doesn't understand sometimes that are outside of the norm she has embraced her children's quirks and oddities- my ever changing hair color and different identities than the status quo, my sister and her adventurous ways that have brought her pain but which she is reluctant to change, my other sister and her love for books that is almost on par with mine and all of our ability to be involved with sports for a lot of our adult life and not be musically inclined even though she would probably prefer for us to be musically inclined more than I am with my voice and my sisters different forays into attempts to play instruments. She is kind, genuine, thoughtful, has a great sense of humor, is caring, and one of the wisest people I have ever met. I am so grateful to have been raised by such a wonderful parent and when I told a customer the other day that I was a terrible liar and that my Mom doesn't lie they said she must have raised you right. Debatable since I have a lot of other quirks but yeah you become the people you spend the most time with. I haven't seen my Dad in a few months and even he has conceded that I would have bad habits spending time with him and that he hasn't always been a good parent. My Mom never sees our relationship as strained and except for some brief bouts when I have outbursts has always trusted me and has unconditional love for her children. My Mom is love and genuine kindness and I am appreciative to have been raised by such a wonderful light of a woman and human being. Thanks for being you mother have a great week.

People Who Have Made An Influence Part 5: Alexis Traxinger

Sometimes you meet someone totally randomly in an immature way and you click immediately. Sometimes you feel like you can trust someone in life super well immediately and you feel like you can become a beacon in their light right away. And sometimes you are still friends with them in a close way years later. There are only four people I felt this way about that I have met in my adult life: Zech Wendt (already been covered), Alex Krabiel, Danica Rhoades (both will be covered next year), and the subject of this expose Alexis Traxinger. I met Alexis trying to tackle her like a Boise State linebacker on the Quad at Boise State. I don't know why I tried to tackle her but I think I was so excited to meet someone I could connect with right away. She probably thought "who is this goofball" and despite that she followed me like glue the rest of the day. And we became best friends. She invited me to the dinner that fall and I was the only non-first year invited to that and we have traveled several times including Alaska and Oregon and Sun Valley and a few other fun jaunts we have been to the grocery store together a few times we have gone to the Corn Maize we have gotten numerous morning walks and coffee and numerous workout classes and numerous beers and a margarita or two and we have throughout all of that stayed best friends. She is not a super affectionate person but gave me a hug right away and over time has allowed me to kiss her on the cheek and hold her hand and actually enjoys it. We have 20 minute phone conversations when we are stressed and we have continued to build a solid rapport that while not professional has been such a great friend beacon that we feel like we could fit in in any event with each other and she might be on staff at my nonprofit in the future. She is funny, smart, kind, adventurous, creative, fit, wise beyond her years but still goofy, and a true spitfire and full of energy. It seems like we will be friends until we are ghosts and I will always care for her in a way that no one can understand and that I have a hard time explaining to others. Through all the insults, all the nicknames, all the laughter, all the fun events, all the exercise, and all the drinks we are capable of serious conversations sometimes about our families, things we have in common, life goals and dreams, and other topics that we have discussed although it is rare that we are. Lexi Baby is one of my favorite people ever and a true luxury model car (A Lexis) just had to throw that in there. I am so proud of her and can't wait to see her soon. She is my best friend.

People Who Have Made An Influence: Part 4: Christine Pisani

My Council boss is a one-of-a-kind stellar boss, advocate, leader, and hero. She has helped me so much with not only the Council but legislative items, listening, going on trips, and she has been nothing but an encouragement for me and lots of other people. She is very knowledgeable about various things and is an amazing beacon of importance in Idaho and beyond. She has helped me create an advocacy pool state wide and further and is one of my biggest fans. Christine Pisani is her name and she is one of my favorite people ever. I met Christine at a cooking club thing and we became fast friends. I appreciate her willingness to be involved in everything whether it is disability related or not and I appreciate her kindness and loving heart towards plenty of people whether they are people with developmental disabilities or people of other marginalized groups. I am not only impressed and awed by all her commitment but it helps make me wish to keep myself informed and trying to do a lot more in the next little bit before I move to Portland. Christine is a total inspiration and is a great friend, colleague, and advocate. Ever since we met I have continued to see growth in both of us and have done numerous non-work things with Christine which have continued to see growth in both of our colleague relationship. I am always grateful for Christine and I to be such great friends and colleagues and I can't wait for two more years on the Council and many more years being in touch and backpacking and plenty of other things in the near future. I am proud to call her a great friend and if there was an animal that was like Christine I would say that it would be a tiger because she is ferocious on how she lives for others and doesn't back down from a challenge. I am beyond grateful for Christine's influence and her willingness to talk to me about tough things and try to realize my potential which will always be one of the biggest things I appreciate about her as well trying to realize her potential in the great way of life as well. I am beyond thankful for all that Christine and I have done together and I look forward to many more. I have known her 7 and a half years and I couldn't be prouder than to be stuck with such a beacon of light that she is in my life.

Reflection From Family Camp

At family camp we were trying to do poems. I am an experienced poem writer so I took some liberties here's what transpired in a group of about 27 that weekend as well as some hiking and some great pictures and good memories:
I.
Feeling stronger than I have my past precludes me
Into memories of not being good enough
And memories of changing my mindset with therapy being inevitable
I continue ti seen new moments in my journey and showcase love for being grateful that
Not enough can be just enough
Seeing perseverance and genuinely caring people in my life
My Mom and my sisters being the family I have
But a newly infinite family I have chosen with my lovable genuinely caring support
The valued community it is my family
II
I am from the spatula of life
I'm from the tide of Adam's Peanut Butter
The funny sad touch of the group hone complete with the sunflower blooming in full
Completing the snack mix and stubbornness of my mom and my sister Kristin
I'm from the product and zen and steadiness of I'm not good enough
Or I'm too smart
A mixed complex combination with Buddhism and living life
My Grandma from India
My Mom's yogurt pancakes and fresh fruit salad
Of swimming in the Atlantic Ocean
Smartness being the hallmark of the Bow Lake Cabin
My ego slowly fading in the wind
III
Feeling stronger than I ever had I am from the spatula of life
I am continuing to see new moments in my journey
Complete with the sunflower blooming in full showing love
For being grateful that not good enough
Can be just enough
A mixed complex combination seeing perseverance
And genuinely caring people in my life I have but a newly formed family
I have chosen with my loving genuinely caring supportive valued community
My Buddhism and living life my family's smartness being the hallmark
Of the lessons with others and constant caring therapy forming past my ego slowly
Fading in the wind-IJB
I had so many thoughts and had to make it into three sections. The thoughts about identity were rich and while that was a conference in unique fashion I thoroughly enjoyed it. Just thought I'd share this even though it was in a religious setting there isn't much about that rather life experiences. Hope that was fun and hope that you continue to read my next three blogs on people who have changed my life with some of the women that have caused great waves in my passionate life.

People Who Have Made A Difference In My Life Part 3: Zech Wendt

Sometimes there is good support support that goes beyond the call of duty being willing to help, spend a lot of time, be a friend, be adventurous, and be a constant sounding board that will always be there for you, work through things, and intend to be your friend for life. That is rare to find but one of the best support I have ever had has been Zech Wendt. Zech was hired a year ago right after my last term of school started. He has been getting his hands dirty ever since and has been a great influence in my life immediately. He was the only male my whole life that I trusted immediately. He has seen me through not only trying to get through graduation without too much depression but almost immediately after graduation I started my hiking and camping trips with him, his wife Desta Murry, and Roberto who is one of my best friends and has been an even better friend since we did Partners In Policymaking together and has gone hiking and seeing movies every week. Zech and I have seen quite a few movies and have hiked numerous places going 3 hours or less from Boise which gives us a lot of leeway. He also has gotten me to get to hang out with his other participants and watch movies with them, go to the car wash, and laugh when we are at home with all of our various adventures. I have continued to appreciate my adventures with Zech and the committee and have continued to be a beacon in all of our lives and have continued to precede on all of our listening skills and have encouraged me to read self help books which I started with How To Win Friends and Influence People and have read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Principle Driven Leadership, and have started How To Stop Worrying and Start Living and Developing the Leader Within. Not only have I read on my own but we have watched numerous John Maxwell videos and he has continued to show me comedies, action movies, war movies, and some other genres and we have used hiking as a way to keep my depression and anxiety at bay going some place most every week except for weather related and his tooth infection. We have done overnight trips, trips to Idaho City and McCall and trips to hot springs and have continued to still even with all our coffee shops and other outings have time to work on some skills when we are together working with the car, with the hiking stick, and with other projects. We have continued to talk about various things in life and create shared meaning much further than just us being men, us being Christians, or us being adventure and movie buddies. He might have started working unconventionally recommended by someone who got let go later and meeting at a Vista Starbucks getting hired immediately but he has been a wonderful addition and has continued to become a stellar advocate for all of his participants and a great friend who has helped me along the way and been a hero. I am grateful that I hired him and will keep working with him until I graduate from the program in 2019 or 2020. Thanks for all that he has done and will continue to do. I am so proud of the Zech-Man.

People Who Have Made A Difference In My Life Part 2: Jason (Jessie) Von Huene

I met Jason when I was in high school. We were different back then kind of people on the outside looking in a lot of the time. Let's face it we were outcasts back then. Now we are popular among the progressive crowd and despised by the bible thumping crowd. The time we re-met at church was genuinely fascinating. Neither of us go there anymore but we still go to church together at Southminster and Metropolitan Community. In addition to church our outdoor adventures and the party times and the day of my graduation were the most memorable. We have genuinely created a gender non-conforming bromance (or is it a bigender bromance yet to be determined if we are even bros or overgrown women). Regardless of our role in activism, outdoors, partying, church, coffee, food, and celebrating our lives it is clear that we are basically gender-bending gay men by how we dress and act never really going for women these days because really we are women and men at the same time and are feminine men and just one of the women when we are out. Our transformation from dorkable losers in high school to popular adults is miraculous often times we can't get through downtown without someone knowing us. Jason (he often goes by Jessie and prefers that when introducing him/herself to others) is a compassionate person and has a heart of gold and is a loving person with a lot of integrity and genuine thoughtfulness. Within our many trips we have found and refound ourselves so many times and have created a genuine friendship that while people think we would work out we wouldn't I wouldn't trade my bromance with Jason for anyone it is a unique situation and we are lucky to have each other. If I was an animal I would be a penguin but if Jason (Jessie) was an animal it would be a German Shepherd puppy. Thankful for all the fun times with Jason (Jessie) and our many moments together  Hope for years more of friendship and possible rooming together in a couple of years in Portlandia.

People Who Have Made A Big Impact (1 of 6): The Sandersons

I decided to highlight several people who have made a big impact over the course of my adult life. Of course it is almost impossible to recreate the thousands of people in my sphere of influence who have changed my life and most of them for the better. Rather than trying to write well into my 50's about people who have made an impact (or maybe beyond) I instead thought "you know what I will make this my late Summer/early Fall series every year" so I am. Every year I will do a 6-part series with 6 different people who have made a positive impact in my adult life. I will explain how I met them, how they made an impact, and what I have done to make an impact in their life. Here is my first one of my first 6 highlighting one of the most delightful married couples I have ever met.

Phyllis and Steve Sanderson met me before I was born. My Mom was initially a member of the church I go to now at that point and they started going years prior. They have been married for over 50 years and are soulmates- they married shortly after high school was over. In the span of time that they have known me they have become like mother and father figure's in my life. They have helped me since I was 3 with Steve always saving me from the pool I remember this only because my Mom told me the story approximately 5,978 times and every time I laugh. In the decades since they have helped with numerous projects that I was involved with for church and in their yard they have continued to be church pew buddies for years I have met their whole family and I have continued to see a vital sense of humor in everything they do. Whether it is the fact that I give Phyllis a tin of snack mix every year and it is always gone in day 1 mostly by her or whether it is the fact that they are a couple of the most loving people in the church's family and give more people hugs than I do or that they made me a quesedilla recipe for my high school graduation letters they have  always supported me and have supported me greatly not only financially but also with finding my current apartment and with finding my way through college telling me numerous times to never quit and constantly encouraging me to find ways to work on my safety and to get away from the various stressful living situations I was in. In return with the years at their pool with the many times giving them a hard time or giving them solid stories of what has gone on in my life with all the laughter and all the love and all the kind moments with their family that I have shown them and with all of their own wisdom that I have learned and the lessons I have continued to learn from my mistakes when I was a youth and show them that I am passionate about getting better I would like to think that through 35 years of life we have both shown each other forgiveness and compassion and kindness and generosity and I have continued to make their Sunday experience what it was to be better. One last story then I will write the conclusion: when I was at Family Camp in 2006 I wrote a nickname my BUS driver gave me on my name tag and my friend at the time wrote a country singer's name on his nametag. Steve in his punny sense of humor saw it and said "Ian is going Iancognito this weekend" which means that 12 years of Ian puns that are said almost every day either online or in person was started by Steve Sanderson.

In conclusion, they have continued to be great mother and father figures but also unyielding amounts of kindness, compassion, love, and integrity. Phyllis's animus in cartoons is probably hard to find (or storybooks for that matter) but Steve's is clearly Winnie-The-Pooh because he is kind, loving, huggable, larger than life, and harmless. I have been blessed to know them for as long as I have as they have been literally life-long friends and I am beyond grateful to have that great familial bond.

Alaska Three Things To Take Away From The Trip Besides My Gifts

Alaska was a wonderful trip. Getting to hang out with my two best friends, create solid memories, take a lot of pictures, laugh, drink good beer and eat solid food, and hike a lot. I got to hang out with one of the most fun, rad parents and grandparents ever and genuinely enjoyed being anonymous and blending in whereas in Boise I see someone I know and someone else within inches of each other. Yeah the biggest extrovert in town. I also went on hikes and saw great water. I had a great trip one of the best ever. So without further adieu three things I learned:
1) Unexpected things happen and you can continue to work through them: there were several unexpected things that happened on the trip: the cost was pretty high and I thought I would be compensated more, there were long stretches without food and long waits and there were so much more traffic than expected with fast drivers and of course the airport drama. Surprisingly I worked on using my words and working through the conflict resolution and made it to Boise on Thursday (almost Friday) as expected. I wasn't expecting sleeping well but I slept like a rock without all of the horses going into the night. I am genuinely grateful for how it  worked out everything worked out well and the trip was better because of it.
2) Alexis's family loves me almost as much as she does: Or not. No one loves me as much as Alexis outside of my family. But they sure did love me and we had great long conversations, Alexis and Alex told stories, they were genuinely interested in hearing about my jobs and wish I could stay longer and they were way better hosts than I could ever imagine. I am lucky to have a family that loves me almost as much as their daughter and her Mom got to see almost drunk version of Ian and still accepted me well. Also the whole time I tried convincing them that I am an angel and they didn't buy it so basically they are truth-tellers and don't believe everything I tell them which is appreciated because honesty is refreshing.
3) A great place to go Iancognito for a while for me: I met a few of Alexis's friends who I had conversations with but other than the few people I met besides that, Alexis's family (and Alexis and Alex), and a staff from an organization that was doing work up there I didn't have much of a conversation outside of compliments and service from anyone. Not one person and it was kind of refreshing even though I love being the center of attention (for a while when I was playing basketball literally) it was nice to hide and not know many souls and soak in the beauty while only really being on for phone for short spurts of social media. I was able to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually at peace without rushing to see the next person. It was a genuine thing to really show I care and compliment others without knowing them though except for the hugs from Alexis's family I only got a few hugs and that was way weird because I am a lovable human. And due to my at the time mountain man beard and my jacket and sassy attitude and kindness I blended in well.
So that's a short recap from Alaska. Another blog in a couple of weeks talking about a wonderful hero to me as the first session of the series of the hero chronicles where I talk about 6 wonderful heroes who have shaped my adult life begins.

Post Graduation Lessons For The First Six Months

Today not only marks Pride Festival and dancing and a big party for me and my LGBT friends and family and myself it also marks 6 months of being graduated from college. I had a B average in college and a 3.45 in my major after spending 14.5 years and 9 summers part-time. In addition to being gay (OK mostly there is still 10 percent or less of straightness in me), gender non-conforming (I love pink and purple and do my nails and other items often I am in pink and purple and wearing lipstick right now as well as hair spray), I also have autism, depression, anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar, ADD and ADHD tendencies, the HLA gene, chronic knee and ankle pain, 2 food intolerances, and 15 different allergies. So yes I have had to overcome quite a bit to have 6 months of post-graduate life because of all the hardships to graduate. Keeping this in mind, here are 4 lessons after six months that make me learn what I need to do to stay happy, healthy, and fabulous:
1) therapy is important: I have had two types of therapy- at the gym 3-4 times a week for physical therapy which I only took one week off of and therapy with my counselor which I have done pretty much weekly for several years. Having the gym community and the counselor has been literally a life-saver: if I wasn't with these people and the arena of these things I would most likely be dead. I have also used bestie therapy quite a bit as Jason (Jessie), Camilla, Mona, Alexis, Alex, Kathy, Shannon, Christine, Sadera, Zech, Desta, Roberto, Kiran, and several others have springboarded to make myself even better situation than I was. I am grateful for my friends and support system and have also used acupuncture, chiropractor, massage, will start doing manicures more often, and have been genuinely appreciative of all the people in my life such as my essential oil dealer and my support broker that have made my life even better.
2) finances don't get easier without college activity payments: I am still struggling with finances and often live Social Security Adult Disabled Child Benefits paycheck to paycheck and struggle to find a way to live better off of that and my work paycheck I often have a less than ideal and extravagant lifestyle which is sometimes a bit compromised with what I make. This is kind of an issue and I genuinely look forward to saying no to hanging out with friends because I can't afford it and have dinner at home. I genuinely am appreciative of people in my life and am trying to take care of myself and still enjoy life. It is a delicate balance and one that I am learning which takes a lifelong commitment.
3) Safety is amplified living downtown: I live between downtown and Hyde Park and it is a bit amplified safety wise living down there. I have had a homeless woman sleeping just barely outside for a few days, a pimp and his hoe (sorry that is technically what it's called) walk by my complex and have my support circle the block to make sure I was more or less safe, a person knock on my door at 4 in the morning, and have had a psychotic breakdown from a neighbor who was complaining about the Mormon Militia as well as a verbally aggressive homeless man by Albertsons' and that is all since the beginning of April. Yes it is a bit safer off of Fort or Hill or Hays but BUS access isn't as great so there are trade-offs and I have had solid safety training lately. So I guess even without a sign I can be successful.
4) As an advocate you are going to have haters: there are plenty of people who don't like me. Shocking but true. I am one of the nicest people you will ever meet and way genuine but I am an opinionated punk and I am an advocate for the LGBT community, the environment, the poor, the homeless, the refugees, and the disabled which I am sure (not even being totally cocky here) that no one in Boise's recent history helps the disabled more than me. I am the Vice-Chair of the Council, a recent Partner's graduate, a Special Olympics Intern, on the safety committee, helping with the Democratic Party, my churches, the ACLU, and possibly more at the Rescue Mission and Youth Ranch and donate to the Pride Foundation, the Youth Ranch, the United Way, the Mission, the Metropolitian Community Church and Southminster, the Y, Special Olympics, the Womens' and Children's Alliance and other places when I can. This is the life of an advocate and a way to continue to make my voice heard and yes I do go to Lucky Dog and the Balcony. As all of this is true there is a lot of controversy and a lot of people who aren't sure what they think (and being tall and parts of plenty of marginalized groups doesn't help either) we all have to consider that we are genuinely a part of this world and while part of the controversy comes from christians I am one of the strongest Christians I know and a caring individual but the controversy that comes from being a cause champion is a bit dicey when it comes to being loved by some due to the connotations.
So these are some of the things I have learned. I will do a health blog on hiking on Friday next week and will do another AutBott blog after I have come back from Alaska. Look forward to a health bog biweekly and AutBott and ProBottIantern monthly. I am not going away anytime soon. Have a fabulous day!

The Tragedy Of Basketball (2018 Version)

I wrote a classic poem for Creative Writing class in 2003 my last semester of high school called The Tragedy of Basketball and it was in my anthology and very unwisely read for talent night one year at church this poem incorporates the more recent teams and athletes that you have read and heard about more recently if you have paid even remote attention to NBA and college basketball you will recognize everybody or close to everybody's name in here. So without further adieu here is the 2018 tragedy of basketball:
The Tragedy of Basketball
By I. Jimmy Bott
The tragedy of basketball is that you can never miss a post or a game without feeling lame
So people have never seen Kris Jenkins's buzzer beating three in the NCAA Finals
Or Steph Curry's buzzer beating three to beat Oklahoma City unless they have
Seen the highlights or the posts or the game to have seen it
The tragedy of basketball
Is that Jason Collin's coming out and not scoring a point after doesn't get as much ink
For his courage as Kobe Bryant's non-playoff final season of failure and epic underperformance
Hurting a team for trying to play way past his expiration date just to get a record
The tragedy of basketball
Is that some people who have more privilege get more ink
For being good while the people who are marginal players often get
Lost in the public eye
These legends:
The University of Connecticut team won 111 straight games and lost in the semi-finals of the Women's basketball finals only to win all the games the next year heading into the semi-finals
Both of the games decided by buzzer-beaters and the game after that the team on the opposite side of the bracket losing again by a buzzer-beater after winning it all the year before
And an international born player played a few seasons before turning pro only to sit out
Two seasons in a row and not play half a season until his 4th year where his potential was
Realized as he got a place in the All-Star Game and the playoffs
Unfortunately these legends are not legends they are facts
Oh happy tragedy of basketball
The biggest tragedy is that one-and-done players are often ill-prepared for the NBA
And sometimes phase out and bust before they get a solid team to play on
While the Junior and Senior players often make it through teams with accolades but
Don't necessarily start off as quickly or even get drafted high
The tragedy is that a league that devalues going to school is requiring players to play
A season and hardly ever attend class just to get a ticket in the pros that seems promising
And often flame out at the end
The players who mimic Lebron James get called for palming the ball first
And traveling later
Showing much hesitation and fear and desperate measures
See how they are not prepared for prime time as this new king of this wonderful sport:
Ben Simmons who will do things someday that will take what Lebron has done seem
Like it will sink into oblivion like the sun in Korea
If he ever develops a jump shot that is the fact that he doesn't have one and will still win Rookie Of The Year is merely another tragedy in a game full of them- IJB

A Star Turn That Was Always There

When I graduated last Fall I had an idea of a plan: Partners In Policymaking, committees, Council Vice-Chair, advocacy, internship with Special Olympics, reading, writing, and continuing to get everything in order in the Spring to be in a solid plan for my own strength and excitement as well as my own ideas of what I want to do: movies weekly, hiking often, music often, and my own sleep schedule being more solid. It was a dream and most of it happened. I also wanted to get my consumption of caffeine to human levels and keep my alcohol consumption to a reasonable amount and that has mostly been the case too. I have been kind of idealistic in how things happen and it has often been the case. I am constantly with friends and made some new ones this has been a solid lesson on how to treat others and ended with respect.

I guess there are lessons in this: I don't give myself enough credit. It is something I am working on and while I thought depression and anxiety would be rampant around graduation from college it has been the opposite. My depression has been so low that I am often told that I am happy and that I am a genuine, sweet, kind human. We can argue if that is the case but even though I am done with school and have a huge void of that I am filling it with so much more that my health is the healthiest of the mentals and I have continued to use medical maintenance to my fullest advantage of life and use the majority of my extra money on it while continuing to benefit to where the cost is so much less than the actual benefit even though I am spending time and money on it. I am appreciative of the changes and am probably the healthiest and happiest I have ever been.

In some ways that star turn was already there. My continual impression of what I am able to do has increased greatly and I am further passionate and dedicated to making my life better with short-lived kicks on Ketones and Shakeology. Rather than that working due to the cost and the benefits not being worth the cost, I have done Essential Oils, Acupuncture, Massage, and Chiropractor combo. It has worked great and even though I am doing chiropractor less starting July 1st I am continuing to do them all and get more Vitamin D from the sun. I am so grateful for the outdoors and am lucky to be doing more things than I wanted and listening to the still small voice and my gut when something doesn't feel right.

I guess my lessons have been many the past few years. As of June 3rd it will be 18 months since I kicked my ex-roommate out due to less than ideal situations that were abusive and it will be 15 months living in an apartment on 15th. While the safety there is sometimes sub-par I only have to do with myself and I and me while at the other one I stayed in my room most of the last several months due to safety concerns with my roommate. I have been better at advocacy and have been better learning about safety and what to do when I am stuck. It is nice that my best friend is close by but if it happens after she moves I can call my Mom anytime and I call perhaps stay somewhere with a friend. I am hopeful that people understand that I am in a better spot and while I will move next year I am also trying to be thankful at this point that I am at my funky apartment and that I have lots going for me here including the best downtown Fan Club I can get anywhere. So while I have yet to consider what the future holds much of this was in place last Fall it is a star turn that was already there I just have to continue turning the corner and the page.

Post-Graduation Blog A Few Things That I Have Learned

College is a big-time learning curve. In the aftermath of college and the ideas of how things are being contingent on how we learn I have learned a few things. Safety is a big thing and I am still working on that through my hikes, through my endeavors with others, and through defensive walking and locking doors. Another thing I have learned is the fact that I am constantly trying to learn about what it takes to have friends and what they can do to work through their own insecurities to make the fashion of our friendships even better. I am constantly learning trust and what it can do to be there or be broken and there is only so much I have yet to give. I am a giving person but once someone is in my life they better earn my trust and keep themselves giving their own ideas for what people should do to make their own lives even more continual and even more finite in how they train themselves. Self-help books have also helped give me a crash course in understanding trust and some of the fiction books I have read have given a bit of an idea of what trust could look like hypothetically. A couple other things I have learned is that there are many things that I do well and they are marketable however I don't think I do nearly everything well. Not by a long-shot. I am still constantly learning and listening to what I can do well and what I need help learning how to do better. Both are an equally long list. Regardless of what things I have learned it is still getting longer in what I can do and what I need to do to understand the own interest of the complete fascination of my integral part of lessons and viability- I am still constantly learning things in life myself. Finally I think I am learning boundaries real well. Not close to where I need to be however I am constantly reinforcing my values and my beliefs of what healthy boundaries look like and what things can be constantly finalized in the overall schema of boundaries and what things can continue to be brought forth in this world with others. I am more careful of who I let in and I am constantly reevaluating what my life can look like given this overall obvious effectiveness in this break of what I should trust and when regardless of if anything can come of these lessons I am feeling even more confident and being higher. Things are going to be great this year and I look forward to learning more along the way.

Ian And Out

There is something that this blog addresses that is controversial so I start with the disclaimer: I have close to 5,000 friends on Facebook and could do with a little less in my feed so if you are going to start with the whole "hate the sin but love the sinner" argument or that "I am going to hell for something that is a choice" argument please feel free to delete me and if this does offend you too much it is fine if you delete me as well.
Now that I have your attention after 34 1/2 years of baking in a mixture of straight and homosexual juice it is clear that I am not bisexual but gay. Gay not as happy but gay as in I like men and gay as in fabulous and queer. I know that queer goes in and out of style and I am not here to discuss semantics but in modern-day vernacular queer basically means not straight. And I have dawdled in the gay and bisexual and straight conundrum for decades but I know now that I am gay. Looking at media I am attracted to men and just men. The people at my gym hear me say things under my breath about how attractive the guys are I am constantly attracted to men and just men when I am in public and the swimsuit issue and other issues where there are women in it or stuff online I think yeah people are wonderful inside and out but even if they look great to society I am not the least tiniest bit attracted to them. So I in effect are only attracted to men and just men. I want an eventual boyfriend but I am scared for two reasons: not donating blood which I love and having searched this road for years at least since having male celebrity crushes and male Disney crushes since I was a kid. Women do not attract me physically or sexually and with the fact that I am not the least bit turned on by women in any media category means that I am as gay as gay can be. They can be 10 pluses and I am not attracted to them but men even average men if they are a male and they are attractive in my arena I am way attracted to them and I know that it is easy to bake. I have baked for almost 35 years and some of the reasons why I have waffled on it include having a solid number of conservative activities and being in judgmental places of life. Now that this is not the case I feel solidly OK with the decision to be gay and I probably was all along.
Being gay and wearing nail polish and having purple hair is much more acceptable with guys in 2018 than it is in 2003. More people are accepting the fact that they are who they are and don't feel the need to hide it and society has changed it's views of gender and orientation discussion quite readily and rapidly. More people have decided that they are at least bisexual and may be turning into gay throughout the past few years even in the past few months several of my friends who I knew for years were kind of different orientations just from experiences with them or word of mouth have come out as either gay or bisexual. I wasn't at all surprised and as time has gone on I have deduced that I am right on my perceptions. They were probably gay their whole life and just didn't feel fully comfortable. I know I didn't but being a Presbyterian Buddhist with ideals more bordering on Buddhism and never understanding the Book of Order I feel more comfortable in being out and at this point have a tell only if asked expectation on my orientation. I don't tell much because people are mature enough not to ask unless the topic of dating or children comes up which is somewhat rare.
This doesn't change anything with my attitude towards people. I have always had reservations about certain types of people and I still do however I feel like I won't judge someone for being a legalistic christian (intentionally not capitalized) unlike they would judge me for the orientation piece depending. I haven't ever sexually harassed a male in the bathroom or otherwise and haven't ever kissed a male without consent and I won't start now. It will change how I approach men because I don't want to be frightened by big men if I find someone who I am attracted to that is also gay and is a bigger dude and we decide to go out or eventually have relations. This is all kind of new to me and is a lot to process so I ask that if you have questions ask me directly and have them be non-judgmental. I am not going to hide it but I am sure that if people are uncomfortable with this conversation or it is not the right space we can talk about something else. And above all be respectful. Respect goes a long way and I am lucky to have the friends and the people in my life that I do. Stay tuned for the post-graduation blog about how I have handled my health post-school. Coming in early to mid April AutBott Ian and out 

Songs That Inspire Me

Here are 10 songs from different kinds of music genres (OK almost all rock or pop since that's a large part of my interest) that I am inspired by. Mostly '80s and today music since that is a large amount of my music consumption and these songs have helped me so much conquer life and overcome and learn what I need to do to continue to slay my opportunities. Without further adieu the top ten songs that inspire me:
10. Just Like Fire (Pink): one of the most cliche picks on this list and one of the biggest sell-out picks on the list. irregardless, this song has got me prepped for swim meets and gets me thinking of what I need to do to be empowered and it was first heard in my life on the trip to McCall and Warm Lake hot springs which will forever be known as the trip that was a real quick vacation to reboot before my only A on a BlackBoard test. Even though it was panned and has some real overheard lyrics it will always be in my heart as a solid song.
9. Lose Yourself (Eminem): The only straight rap song on this list, the message of overcoming and being at the wrong side of the tracks but then being a star and crushing your dreams as well as the random lyrics thrown in makes it a classic and the kicker on this being a pick for this list is the end lyric you can do anything you set your mind to. My last term of college I listened to this rap song probably about 20 times on YouTube and I have listened to it 5 more this year alone. Never gets old.
8. Crazy Train (Ozzy Ozbourne): A song I legitimately know all the lyrics to this musical masterpiece is a stellar piece of rock, raucous energy, and fun. The two best parts of this song are maybe it's not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate (Ozzy sang this who knew?) and the parts about the people who he had mentor him on his journey. Seriously a top 5 favorite song too.
7. Hall of Fame (The Script featuring Will.I.Am): One of only two good Will.I.Am songs since he left Black Eyed Peas in my opinion (the other being Scream and Shout which features Brittney Spears) this song has a great message, a dream for the people who are living a rough life, and the whole sense of being picked up when they are down. A great song to have plenty of power and pack a lot of punch (no pun intended since one of the athletes is a boxer) a great song and a song I listened to a lot when I was in my last term.
6. Fireworks (Katy Perry): One of two Katy Perry songs on this list, this song is inspiring not just in the overall scheme but also in the sense of overcoming and acknowledging some change in how to conduct life. It is a great song when you are feeling down and appropriate for all ages. Also the empowerment of it is not lost on me, the song always makes me feel wonderful.
5. Fight Song (Rachel Platten): A controversial pick on this list due to like Just Like Fire it being cliched and also kind of oversimplified, nonetheless this song got me through a tough point in my life and has kept on getting me to where I can create a meaning of an even better life and a continual lesson of perseverance, fun, and overall creativity on what it means to do well. And when it came out I was struggling a bit so there is that. I always brighten up when I watch the video.
4. Living on a Prayer (Bon Jovi): You can't make a list without this being on the top 4. Ever. It has a great message, a great set of rock energy, and a wonderful keeping on being constant in my life as a goal-setter. From when I first heard this song when I was 13 to 21 years later it doesn't make me any less stagnant towards hearing it in fact I think I like it more. Such a wonderful message of following your dreams too. A solid pick and one of my top ten favorites.
3. The Greatest (Sia ft. Kendrick Lamar): Came out when I was having roommate problems and I first watched the video last swimming season. Found out it was dedicated to the Orlando nightclub victims and (BAM) instant big-time fan. I sang it when I was swimming in the 100-meter backstroke (and still won all my heats that season by a wide margin and improved so much) and it not only has a great message, the video also has a lot of meaning too. Gay rights + inspiration + pump-up= ultimate recipe for winning me over.
2. Whatever Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger (Kelly Clarkson): The only break-up song on the list and it deserves to be on here for three reasons: 1) it saved my life 2) it never gets old 3) from my side view of perseverance this song makes me real happy and willing to listen again and again when I feel low and feel like I need a pick-me-up. The first time I listened intently I was severely depressed and suicidal. Now after quite a few listens I am not either.
1. Roar (Katy Perry): Everyone knew this one would be 1 who know me. A great song filled with lots of meaning and a song of confidence and straight vigor, this song will always be my number 1 inspirational song until further notice. Hearing it at the Winter Games dance will always be a great memory and the whole champion and tiger analogy keeps me seriously in love with this song. It is a wonderful song of overcoming obstacles and persevering and it is a great pump-up song for real and one of my favorite songs ever (I have probably watched the video 100 times or so and I'm gay so it wasn't so I could see Katy Perry in minimal clothing it's because this song is wonderful).
That is this month's edition of the blog. Stay tuned for a couple of weeks with the blog Ian and Out about my orientation experience and how it came to be and for next week's reboot of ProBottIantern. Have a great week everyone.

12 Goals For This Year

I am now graduated from college and with that in mind I am trying to learn some things to do to be less reactive and to continue to be driven in this general ways of love, kindness, humility, and to be driven to enjoy the things of life but also be responsible and respectful. With that in mind I have 12 goals for 2018. Brief description of a couple sentences when warranted:
1. Explore more of Idaho: I will do this with my hiking trips but the areas I know are what I'm comfortable with. I look forward to branching out on hiking and maybe doing short trips to places besides Sun Valley and McCall because those two places I am at a lot and I want to see more of the beautiful state.
2. Stay around 210 pounds or less: In 2017 I tipped the scales at 235 pounds in March due to overeating due to stress and due to bad diet often. Shortly after I started my meal plan and am currently under 200 with my maintenance plan and summers I am giving a bit of leeway on weight especially if I lift a bit but there it is. 210 or under in 2018. year-round!
3. Dance at least a couple times a week: I feel so much more free and with the Y close by and a few dance workout videos there really is no excuse to not do that.
4. Go to more events of things I love and am passionate about: I go to plenty of activism events as far as marches and rallies but would like to go to more speeches, art items, exhibits, museums, and plays in the community as well as concerts I have many passions and live in a centralized area but due to cost and time management I would like to search for free events or look on Stalkerbook for ideas of events to go to and support.
5. Yoga at least once a week: For relaxation, preternatural calm, getting the week started off on the right foot, and for physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental health. Also therapist recommended on a couple of levels.
6. Read at least 100 books in a year: Always a goal since 2014 and I've always done that since then. Always.
7. Gym therapy 3 times a week unless out of town: For care for my knees and ankles.
8. Art of some sort a couple times a week and volunteering at least once a week: For general emotional and mental health.
9. Be able to work on budgeting: Constant struggle but better with my limits on coffee and next up is limits on groceries. I have done reasonable on eating out however.
10. Leadership and next steps from graduation to real life: I think every graduate from college who wants to change the world needs to do that.
11. Keep my solid friends and not spend time with people who are false friends: I think I can discern this by trusting my gut. I am constantly reminded who my real friends are and who are just using me a lot more. But seriously no one will ever replace my squad.
12. Dream better and have legitimate eating/social media cutoffs: I have so many weird stress dreams and horses going into the night (nightmares). I think part of this is having electronics on and eating late. My two goals to kind of piggy back off of this is to have my last dinner/or snack by 8:30 PM most nights no electronics past 9:30 and to let my phone charge around that time and to drink tea and meditate every night. If I do that, journal, and read during the time I otherwise would be on social media and seeing friends I would do some much better and be much healthier overall. I am a rule follower and if I do that and stick to it I will be much happier.
These are some of my goals and ideas for making the world and my own life much better. There will be so much happiness and hope for many others. Should be a great year!

2017 The Year That Was

Some of the best things happened to me in 2017 despite the lack of positive political climate- I graduated college with a B average and a 3.45 in my Major, I enjoyed living by myself most of the time throughout the year and have kept the possibility of manic episodes and anxiety attacks largely at bay, I have not only won 5 gold medals but also the hearts of countless coaches and athletes as a newly minted individual sports champion who used to do team sports primarily and also found time to do a few fun runs including 2 in 2 days, I have read over 100 books for the 3rd straight year in a row, I have continued to make financial gains by limiting my coffee out and meal out intake as well as keep my checking account debt-free since March despite moving at that time, I have continued to make waves as not only a LGBT advocate and a disability rights advocate to the point of being nominated for an award for my efforts but also a continuing up-and-coming environmental rights advocate and an advocate for the homeless and poor. Not only these things but also in the face of all these things happening I have lost 40 pounds despite having restaurants, coffee shops, gas stations, Albertsons', DK donuts, and Fanci Freeze all within a very brief walking distance away. I have resigned from being a REC Center regular on my own terms and have continued to get more time doing classes at Fort Boise and items with Boise Parks And Recreation as well as a pass for Sage Yoga and the YMCA which has been positive overall. I have continued to be the best cradle Presbyterian I can be but also have had time with my friends of all sorts of political bents and have had hard conversations with many people. I have also enjoyed having great friends as neighbors and that has continued to make me happy and passionate about being where I am in addition to the purple, green, and blue walls and the ability to make this place my own. Yes Trump is making the world a bit of a wasteland and the other world leaders are not helping and yes some of the people who are in my life have left and there has been some intense conversations with how things should be however I can bask in the glory that I don't drive a car but have driven a boat three different places, am just as enthralled by Star Wars, Wonder Woman, or Jumanji as I am Wonderstruck, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Patch Adams, Finding Forrester, or Free Willy. I have been making myself keep honoring my fallen heroes by doing what would make them happy such as through helping others and been spiritually disciplined in honor of my Grandma who died on the same day I graduated three years to the day, by continuing to get things crossed off of my To-Do-Before-I-Die-List and only have several things to do in honor of Sam Harmer as well as doing all the things I set out to do in Summer and in my college career, and Bob Hamilton I have honored by finishing my degree at Boise State and continuing to speak out for all the things that mattered to him- fervency, activism, faith, sports, and fellowship. I have also gotten to take in a couple of minor-league baseball games, a couple of women's soccer games (one professional and one college), a gymnastics meet, a volleyball game, a softball game, bits and pieces of a few club frisbee games, and have also done sports well: yoga, my first distance swimming races in years, snowshoeing, a variety of Y classes, several races, and dancing as well as bootcamp and my fall P.E. class and Core De Force. I might be emphasizing what I've done too much but I have seen happiness in others in my family by what they have accomplished in the year, by my friends for their hopefulness, and have continued to see a much brighter future in my friends lives' as well. To wrap it up I have a couple of things: 1) I'm a freak and there is nothing wrong with that- my unique approach is one of my best qualities as well as my heart and 2) my medical maintenance with yoga, exercise bike/eliptical, massage, chiropractor, accupuncture, and dancing has been a great thing as well. May 2018 bring many adventures and much joy and I am lucky that I made it through 2017 unscathed.