My Testimony

Taking a break from the themed blogs and will continue to those next month. Today I want to talk about something very important to me: my faith.

I grew up in a Christian home and was jumping through hoops and going through the motions often. I would go to church almost weekly and then believe that I was keeping myself well just by being a good person. Even though I made my faith my own when I was 16 and started believing in prayer and fellowship stronger at that point, I often thought that if I just read my Bible enough, pray enough, not getting into trouble at all, not swear hardly ever, and stay in a good spot with mostly Christian friends, I would be able to stay within my realm of salvation. This continued through my teenage years and even in some cases into my mid-20's.

When I was in college, I changed dramatically- my worldview changed, my friends changed, my health (mental, emotional, physical) changed and I was brought into my faith at a testable time- always trying my best not to falter and keep myself level and continue to strengthen my own faith to be the best me I could be. Even after all the re-dedications, re-baptisms, and renewing, I was not satisfied. This kind of thinking continued for a while, a mix of this, anger, sin, and mentally lost ideas. In the next few years, I almost started abandoning church altogether, at a certain point only doing the Presbyterian church and eschewing anything else Christian- I was under the impression that I wasn't the "right" kind of Christian and that my open-minded views weren't necessarily viable in the Christian community and trying to use relationships as a tomb to mask it and try to use what I thought was right by my own power. This kind of Ianism thinking continued to plague my mind and was damaging.

The past year and a half has been my best my faith has been ever. I have started to branch out with churches, have stopped drinking after a short time starting again, have been happier, have been better physically, and have been way better spiritually. While I have many Christian friends that sharpen me frequently, I also recognize the need for secular friends to do other things with and the need to do things with friends who are open to the possibility of religion but aren't quite there yet. I have also continued to advocate for the marginalized groups and continued to see that while I am saved, repentance is a life-long process as is continuing to recognize that we are flawed and can't do things on my own but need help from friends and a higher power. I may still sin daily but I continue to get strengthened daily and my frequent fellowship and prayer is helping my faith and I see myself as good soil. I know what it's like to do certain things wrong but we all learn. And my God is a God of love and not hate and second chances so I willingly hope that other people newer in faith accept and choose to do the same. Praise God!